Winter break has begun and many hours of boredom will ensue...I like it.
I don't know why being bored or "unproductive" is highly disdained...or being busy is "good". Being busy is being busy,,,.being bored is being bored. I'm a teacher, student, athlete, and musician...Business is something that consumes me and getting away from it as much as I can is something I pursue with passion. Being bored and doing jack shit is AWESOME...why is busy so cool? To the point where it become competitive...what the hell?
I went to NY. It was cool. Felt good to actually be "living" there for a week. And I didnt take one single picture...which is cool. I let myself live there and absorb everything. My english teacher did comment on the fact that tourists just take too many pictures...they dont really seem to actually breath in and enjoy where they are at...they focus on their pictures.
Anyways, I didnt do the typical tourist thing...I stayed in a pretty ghetto uptown apartment but thats probably where I would want to stay anyway. I saw all kinds of people going up and down the city ont eh train, going far uptown to far downtown. It was cool...lots of food. And the trip also helped me gain more inspiration for what I consider to be my life's work in music...share my art which has been cultivated by where I am from...and it's not NY...where everythign seems to be "hapenning"...my art is from Houston...spring branch...the world will know.
Winter break training is going pretty well...there are some obvious poundage gains from allt he baked desserts I am eating...whatev...i tend to gain and lose weight very easily so im not too concerned. Our first indoor meet is Jan 12th in Arkansas and I am truly excited to finally be eligible to compete and not have to red shirt like i did last yr! I dont start discus until March when outdoor season starts so until then ill be focusing a pretty good deal on shot-put while occasionally going back to discus. In march, however, ill be focusing on discus and letting shot put die out even though i will still compete int eh event.
Trombone is going pretty well...especially after a well-needed break during my NY trip. Come to think of it, I haven't taken more than a week off in maybe the last 3 yrs. Lots of players will do a week off atleast once a year! I'm playing a recital int he spring so I will be preparing hardcore for that...to rock faces off...hellz yeah. My friend Weston of the Metropolitan Opera Orchestra will come to UH to give amasterclass so that also something to look forward to. Orchestra for the semester seems to be pretty damned bland as far as trombone parts go and event he rep in genral just doesnt seem interesting. Oh well. Next year we will be doing Scheherezade and russian easter overutre among other things so ill look forward to that.
ite guys, gotta get up early for a gig.
Merriest of Christmas'
JL
Monday, December 25, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
June
To and for my brother with every fiber of my heart...
June
I have never loved him more than I love him now. For now I look into his heart and what I see is something this world fails to know everyday. His heart is like water…fragile, sensitive, flowing, light. His heart is honest, caring,
My brother June is a bit different. They say he has schizophrenia…and not the highly commercialized perception…if that even exists. They say he lives in an imaginary world most of the time…they say he is depressed…they say his mind does not function correctly.,,,they say he is detached from emotion at times…not knowing when to connect one emotion to the other…Yes, it is true, on the surface my brother’s issues cannot exist in our world. He can’t function the way we would want him to…he cant understand the way we want him to…but he is beautiful…he is pure…and what his heart knows is something the world is lacking a great deal.
Before he faded into his current state, I knew what the world saw of him and accepted for about the first twelve years of my life. Even then he was considered kind of an oddball…though very handsome (a lady killer, quite frankly)…he was very sensitive, odd, “out there”. He drew art…and not only did he draw art…he drew amazing art…award winning, in fact. His creativity was his most amazing feature…he tapped into worlds unknown by many…unaccepted by most…unwilling to comprehend by others. His brain is always thinking, extraordinarily…realizing beauties the world is blind to…and this is “odd” to us. Indeed, his mind was and still is something unlike this world.
He had a very unique sense of humor…often misunderstood and maybe seen as goofy or odd. But I loved it…it was pure, it was honest, and it was real…too real for the world to know it was funny…too pure for anyone to be willing to laugh at it…too honest for anyone to admit…
And for those twelve years of my life, he fit the definition of the perfect brother…he loved me with everything he had…he kissed me everyday-more than I ever wanted him too…he carried me…he slept by me as a baby that was ten years younger than him…he got me into sports…taught me how to throw a spiral…told me to believe in myself…told me to give it my all… As we both grew, ten years apart in age, he continued that love for me… i remember many times bike ride,- him operating the bike, me straddling the bike frame with a seat that he made from several blankets. We’d ride to dairy queen, the movies, his friends houses…I was in his arms all the time.
I don’t think I have ever told him I that I love him…I don’t think he ever heard it…then, all I knew was him…and to be with him all the time seemed natural and given…
In the summer of 1998 my brother started hallucinating…he saw things that were not there…he heard things that we couldn’t hear. Treatment followed and progress was made…
Then came a dive into drugs and alcohol…though many seem to function with the combination of the two…my brother’s silk heart was easily tainted…he got into trouble…he was abused…he met the wrong people…he was attacked…he suffered…he was isolated from my family as a problem…he was abused…he was told he was no good…my father telling him to leave the family…me telling him that no one wanted him around…me yelling at him…almost hating him while I was in high school…I hated him for not being the person that I wanted him to be…the person the world wanted him to be…I was hating the person who loved me with all of his heart before the day I was born. The things I said…the things we all said…how could anyone handle it…and such trauma was part of his whole life…he moved here from korea when he was seven..to a foreign land…he was left at home alone because my parents had tow ork..he cried from the momtn they left until the moment they cam eback…he was scared…he dealt with extraordinary struggle of an immigrating child…he came before me…he guided me through this world…he went through it…not me…all the horror…he went through it…and protected me from it
Regrets, pain, sorrow…this is where we find ourselves sometimes…but its no one’s fault really…what is –is what is.
I am at odds with the spiritual reality…the more I maintain my faith…the more I hurt…the more I cry…
WHY God? Why does pain even exist? Don’t you run this shit? Why are humans doomed? Don’t you run this shit?
The question is simple…primitive, even. But is it valid? Yes. Faith, james…keep faith...often told to me by people who are not in my shoes…faith, yes…it can be attained…but what should I base it off? The high number of people who recover from mental illness?...sarcasm. The high number of mentally ill people who have had the bible beaten on their heads…and NOT “entered the kingdom of heaven”? The complete unfairness of the preaching…that who so ever shall not love God will burn in eternal suffering…people like the mentally ill who are not capable of comprehending Christianity and are at mercy of what GOD ALLOWED TO HAPPEN?( Yes, because he is, in fact, the creator of all). Is that right? Is that Christianity, really? Does Christianity send the mentally ill to HELL because they weren’t able to comprehend the word?
Yes, to me, there is a God…but God in the real sense has not been shown to me…there is something else…has to be…there has to be a certain truth…my brother is a testament to that.
Maybe we should accept it…that is reality…accept it and live with it as a beautiful situation…that is better…that is what makes sense. I don’t understand why we should see it as him being damned for eternity? Is this Christianity?
I spend time with him now…his overly active brain is now numbed by medications…he is no longer the June that we once new…he is the June that God created…what we know now…what is true. Before just a few days ago for years ( hes been at a “house for weird people” in LA) I coudlnt communicate with him…I wasn’t willing to accept what he is…because it hurt me…because it ripped my heart…but now…we communicate…we talk…we hold conversations…we act like brothers…something I haven’t done with him since I was 12…yeh, he still murmurs to himself…he still makes up certain events that have happened…he still believes the social security is holding 800,000 dollars for him…but he is my brother…and I know him…the love he gave to me helps me…it guides me…to understand…to believe…to share…to see into his heart…
We talk, sometimes he makes stuff up…but what he says…its beautiful,,,its true to him…it serves as a manifestation of his heart…its what the world lacks…someone who taps into what is beautiful. Sometimes it feels as if he is talking to himself like he has been doing forever…sometimes he talks to me…like a regular person…something we haven’t done in years.
I always remember him being upset at what the world see as slight mishaps…perhaps something someone said or did…it bothered him for hours…often reoccurring in his mind sometimes maybe a month later…
Hyung, as I call him, has opened my heart to the universe. I hear what he rambles to himself…I come to understand why he gets upset…I want to know what he is thinking…
Schizophrenics are said to be in an imaginary world. My brother is known to be in an imaginary world…but who is closer to reality? We live our lives ignoring so many important issues…we lie to ourselves…we don’t answer to our hearts…we spend all of our time coping with what is essentially wrong…we dont answer to our heart…we don’t love in every sense of the word…we’re afraid to put our emotions on display...we accept denial…we pursue prestige…we envy…we lie…what can be more far from reality?
Maybe we have one purpose in life…we live our life for each other…we sacrifice everything we have for just one other person…Hyung does it for me. His life is a sacrifice…his whole life…it opens my eyes, my heart, my everything…with every day that he lives, reality for me exists…truth exists, honesty exists…as I am writing this, this damned Microsoft words tells me how I shouldn’t write this…for what? What is the importance of that? WHAT?
Hyung, I love you…you gave me everything I have…everything I know…everything I love…God gave you to me…one day we will know what God has in store…the world will change because of you…the world will know what love is…the world will know truth…because of you…because I remember everything…the bike rides, the kisses, the hugs, the pain, the abuse, the struggle, loving me with everything you had. We don’t show affection to each other lik we used to when I was little…your reality keeps us from doing it for now…just wait for me. With your every breath I learn something new…your existence…your “ailment” gives me passion…it gives me closure…it gives me faith…I cant even imagine what you had to go through…the trauma…even if you don’t know it now…you will know that I love you…the world doesn’t live the way you think it should…and it angers you to the core of your heart…and I understand…you’ve tried your hardest to be the person you want to be…and the world doesn’t bother to understand you…I know why youre upset…and youre right
one day we’ll be together again…
the way it used to be…
in beauty
Monday, November 13, 2006
Ciao i miei amici!
Its about time for a damn update...whaddya think?
Life has been...well...what else is there to say...BUSY. I am officially occupied past all imagineable capacity. I reckon ill be doing some thinning of my schedule next semester.
Training has been good...my discus form is starting to come around but my shot-put is lagging...mayeb its because I honestly feel that shot-put is a far inferior event thus causing me to have NO enthusiasm when i practice it...i just think discus is more beautiful...
My body is shaping up decent...ive lost about 4% to my body fat and have lost about 5 legit pounds. I need to lose about 5% more in body fat and maintain my weight...thus meaning i need to put on more muscle.
Trombone has been absolutely SUCKING....absolutely...SUCKING. What the hell. Yeah, doing athletics, trombone, school, and work is hard as hell and trombone has been suffering...but yo, im 22, healthy, and i love to throw and bone...so both shall it be. Ill worry about doing one thing when Im not able to do more than one thing...one life to live my friends...one life.
I have been extremely strung out lately but I got to catch opera with a good friend of mine the other night. We saw an early mozart opera and the performance was great. Im glad I got to go as i was brought back to a state of true love within music!!! I have seriously lacked concert-going experience lately...i blame academia. Anyways, looks like I have a new concert buddy!
Im currently in the sketches of three new writings...they have been mntioned before. THree writings on politics, christianity, and The Branch ( spring branch). I wil not be able to write these until my life lets up on me but I will get them done. I have begun wirting one of them but the attention to structure has absolutely demolished my writing style...so ill plan on jsut ripping it out on one sitting when school is not in session...i jsut write best that way...honestly.
I guess I have enough energy for a small rant...shall we?
Since when should we EVER seek recognition...for ANYTHING? Honestly. Does someone's approval altar what we have done...do the opinions of anyone mean anything in terms of what has been achieved? If I save Ethiopia from an economic hell, would a nice plaque from the president justify my work?
I was sitting in the locker room other day and one of my talented team mates was complaing about how they didnt mention all of his accolades on our team's media guide. And I told this fool..."why does any of that matter? do you like to high jump or do you like to high jump?"
But honestly, what has made us so needing of recognition? When we puruse things, it should be genuine...once we look up, the love is lost...honestly. enuffadat'
Life has been...well...what else is there to say...BUSY. I am officially occupied past all imagineable capacity. I reckon ill be doing some thinning of my schedule next semester.
Training has been good...my discus form is starting to come around but my shot-put is lagging...mayeb its because I honestly feel that shot-put is a far inferior event thus causing me to have NO enthusiasm when i practice it...i just think discus is more beautiful...
My body is shaping up decent...ive lost about 4% to my body fat and have lost about 5 legit pounds. I need to lose about 5% more in body fat and maintain my weight...thus meaning i need to put on more muscle.
Trombone has been absolutely SUCKING....absolutely...SUCKING. What the hell. Yeah, doing athletics, trombone, school, and work is hard as hell and trombone has been suffering...but yo, im 22, healthy, and i love to throw and bone...so both shall it be. Ill worry about doing one thing when Im not able to do more than one thing...one life to live my friends...one life.
I have been extremely strung out lately but I got to catch opera with a good friend of mine the other night. We saw an early mozart opera and the performance was great. Im glad I got to go as i was brought back to a state of true love within music!!! I have seriously lacked concert-going experience lately...i blame academia. Anyways, looks like I have a new concert buddy!
Im currently in the sketches of three new writings...they have been mntioned before. THree writings on politics, christianity, and The Branch ( spring branch). I wil not be able to write these until my life lets up on me but I will get them done. I have begun wirting one of them but the attention to structure has absolutely demolished my writing style...so ill plan on jsut ripping it out on one sitting when school is not in session...i jsut write best that way...honestly.
I guess I have enough energy for a small rant...shall we?
Since when should we EVER seek recognition...for ANYTHING? Honestly. Does someone's approval altar what we have done...do the opinions of anyone mean anything in terms of what has been achieved? If I save Ethiopia from an economic hell, would a nice plaque from the president justify my work?
I was sitting in the locker room other day and one of my talented team mates was complaing about how they didnt mention all of his accolades on our team's media guide. And I told this fool..."why does any of that matter? do you like to high jump or do you like to high jump?"
But honestly, what has made us so needing of recognition? When we puruse things, it should be genuine...once we look up, the love is lost...honestly. enuffadat'
Monday, September 25, 2006
General Update
Buon giorno (o notte) i miei amici!
Come stai? e io? Non c'e male. Il tempo e molto bene oggi!
Ok, finito.
Im just trying to recall my Italian...boy am I screwed when I go onto my next class...
Life has been the busiest it has ever been. Between school, training, practicing, rehearsals, and work I have time for just about nothing...and that inculdes HW. I don't work many hours but my busy schedule requires me to spread out the little hours that I do work over 4 days! its a lot of friggin driving...but my kids need me...and i want to teach them...so God give me strength.
I'm playing principal parts this year in the school orchestra so needless to say I am enjoying that very much. The repertoire this year isnt bad but it isnt anythign to be overtly excited about. This upcomign concert we are doing Saint Saens sympohony no 3 and otehr concerts down the lien will include Firebird and Sibelius 5th. Im also apart of the newly named Metropolitan Brass Quintet. This is truely a great opportuntiy and blessing for me as I am in an atmosphere of very high music making...definitely the highest I have ever been apart of...im REAL lucky to be in the group. i'm glad these guys and gal believe in me...most of the memebrs of the group have had extensive expereince with high-level orchestras and here's james...it is a challenge.
trainign has been going well. My throwing is out of shape but slowly my physical conditioning is coming around. I don't expect to be in good throwing shape until about late december before our indoor season starts. My goals of leaning my body are still in effect and Im pretty confident it will happen. I want to be at about 280lbs by January. Thatll be big and a bit leaner than my current 292lbs. Throwing technique involves a lot of physics that depend on balnce of body and proportion to make the concepts work...that woudl require me to gain more leg strength and lose some mass off of my torso. Do-able. Our crazy ass coach has decided to implement "gut-check" fridays in our workouts. Pretty much this occurs after our friday weights session and it comes in the form of a physical activity prolonged to the point where our bodys fail...and ideally our will is to take over and give us strength...im hurting right now.
I hope to audition for the Jacksonville Symphony in December. The only thing that will stop me is if they reject my resume...which is very likely...because I am only an undergraduate student...but mayeb theyll be nice. I do intend to treat this with very igh intensity unoike other auditioons I have taken...somethign in my brain assures me that I have what it takes to be competitive...
I got to catch some dinner with a good friend of mine the other night. It was a rather fun time...and any trip to Chipotle is hardly ever disappointing. Anyways, it was fun to catch up on things and we struck a very, in my opinion, important subject...which is the appreciation of classical music. It has been so unfortunate to see how modern society has pasted some sort of element of "sophistication" or "aquired-knowledge needed" attitude to the appreciation of classical music...that is a total setriment to art. it's a shame. This specific person started "well, I dont know much about classical music but I love..." with almost a tone of uncertain confidence...and she told me she loves Mozart...and I have no doubt she loves Mozart...jsut as much or more than the world's highest esteemed scholar of mozart...music is exploit the beauties within every individual...and the keyword is individual...the love doesnt occur in abook, a text book, a documentary...it occurs in the individual...and it manifests in a world only accessible through this type of love...anyone with the right heart can access it...it doesnt take knowledge...it takes heart.
I am off to bed...to rest an take on a day of classes fille dwith the "i havent prepared" fear...
until then,
arrivederci
Come stai? e io? Non c'e male. Il tempo e molto bene oggi!
Ok, finito.
Im just trying to recall my Italian...boy am I screwed when I go onto my next class...
Life has been the busiest it has ever been. Between school, training, practicing, rehearsals, and work I have time for just about nothing...and that inculdes HW. I don't work many hours but my busy schedule requires me to spread out the little hours that I do work over 4 days! its a lot of friggin driving...but my kids need me...and i want to teach them...so God give me strength.
I'm playing principal parts this year in the school orchestra so needless to say I am enjoying that very much. The repertoire this year isnt bad but it isnt anythign to be overtly excited about. This upcomign concert we are doing Saint Saens sympohony no 3 and otehr concerts down the lien will include Firebird and Sibelius 5th. Im also apart of the newly named Metropolitan Brass Quintet. This is truely a great opportuntiy and blessing for me as I am in an atmosphere of very high music making...definitely the highest I have ever been apart of...im REAL lucky to be in the group. i'm glad these guys and gal believe in me...most of the memebrs of the group have had extensive expereince with high-level orchestras and here's james...it is a challenge.
trainign has been going well. My throwing is out of shape but slowly my physical conditioning is coming around. I don't expect to be in good throwing shape until about late december before our indoor season starts. My goals of leaning my body are still in effect and Im pretty confident it will happen. I want to be at about 280lbs by January. Thatll be big and a bit leaner than my current 292lbs. Throwing technique involves a lot of physics that depend on balnce of body and proportion to make the concepts work...that woudl require me to gain more leg strength and lose some mass off of my torso. Do-able. Our crazy ass coach has decided to implement "gut-check" fridays in our workouts. Pretty much this occurs after our friday weights session and it comes in the form of a physical activity prolonged to the point where our bodys fail...and ideally our will is to take over and give us strength...im hurting right now.
I hope to audition for the Jacksonville Symphony in December. The only thing that will stop me is if they reject my resume...which is very likely...because I am only an undergraduate student...but mayeb theyll be nice. I do intend to treat this with very igh intensity unoike other auditioons I have taken...somethign in my brain assures me that I have what it takes to be competitive...
I got to catch some dinner with a good friend of mine the other night. It was a rather fun time...and any trip to Chipotle is hardly ever disappointing. Anyways, it was fun to catch up on things and we struck a very, in my opinion, important subject...which is the appreciation of classical music. It has been so unfortunate to see how modern society has pasted some sort of element of "sophistication" or "aquired-knowledge needed" attitude to the appreciation of classical music...that is a total setriment to art. it's a shame. This specific person started "well, I dont know much about classical music but I love..." with almost a tone of uncertain confidence...and she told me she loves Mozart...and I have no doubt she loves Mozart...jsut as much or more than the world's highest esteemed scholar of mozart...music is exploit the beauties within every individual...and the keyword is individual...the love doesnt occur in abook, a text book, a documentary...it occurs in the individual...and it manifests in a world only accessible through this type of love...anyone with the right heart can access it...it doesnt take knowledge...it takes heart.
I am off to bed...to rest an take on a day of classes fille dwith the "i havent prepared" fear...
until then,
arrivederci
Sunday, July 16, 2006
training
Training has been good. For the better part of a month my diet has cleaned up rather...well...slightly. But it is a start. I have bought groceries more often than fastfood and I prepare smaller meals throughout the day. Today, however, was a bomb. I just downed half a batch of brownies. Usually my diet goes to shit when Im not busy and on the go. For a stretch of about three days I was particularly good. I had several smaller meals with adequate supplemntation with my protein products. There are undoubtedly some muscular gains that are visually apparent from that span of days...at this point in my life when my hormone levels are up and my genetic makeup being good for muslce growth I am capable of makign gaisn VERy quickly. Its something that Im very glad to possess. Thank you Jesus.
Lately ive been focusing on using more perspective in terms of physics into my throwing an dbecome more intelligent with the concepts of throwing. It is helping a lot. There is also a lot of regard to neurology in any type of athletic event and the thrower who understands and applies these principals the most usually has a depper understanding...some people achieve this naturally...others have to realize it...such as myself. I am pretty good in terms of physical athleticism but my native ability to throw the discus is FAR outdone by other guys throughout the country. My primary sport in high school was basketball which isnt much of an explosive sport...its more a sport that deals with length, positioning, and any jumping is a result of a plant-extend action. Throwing utilizes a more explosive aspect and this is what i lack a lot. Most people have that advatage over me...and a lot of people have an advantage over me in terms of just pure talent...im not a bad athlete but I wasnt born with a native ability to throw well...my advantage however (and one that I am quite sure of)...is my intellect towards the sport. I apply a lot of physics to what im doing and compliment it with knowledge of neurology...its helps me understand the throw thoroughly...I believe it will help in the long run. A lot of my approach is directly related to how I approach practicing trombone. They have a lot in common...most capable minds I talk to agree with me on this...musicians and athletes alike.
I assume I will start throwing the shot-put again within the next month or so after spending all summer just focusing on discus. It is obvious that shot-put is a secondary event to me...discus is far superior and beautiful!!! seriously though. However my coach wants me to compete in shot-put because I can be good in it if i gave it more effort and it would help the team a lot in terms of points for meets. UH has definitly given me great opportunities and the coaching staff is great...putting in time to be competitive for shot-put is no problem at all when I consider how much I have to owe to a wonderful group of people who have helped me. it's the least I can do for UH. My goal for the 2007 indoor season is to hit 60' and get 61-63 feet in the outdoor season. Its definitely within my grasp right now. That distance should be good enough for maybe 5th at the NCAA national meet.
A good majority of people never feel a sense of team pride when it comes to track and field...me being one of them. But I think im now starting to feel an obligaton towards the team and the coaches and to help the team aspect. Ever since our new coach Leroy Burell took over for hall of famer Tom Tellez, he has had an undying and honest mission to become a national championship contender. Coach Burell is an outstanding track mind (Olympic medald and world records on his belt) and his comeptitive attitude for championships leaks over to his coaching. Its great to see him workin as he is always very enthusiastic and a great leader/mentor to the team. This year the team ended up 15th in the nation which is not bad but for anyone in the locker room far from where we want to be. I hope that I can provide a huge impact for this team to realize its goals of bcome a nationally recognized track team. That is why I am more than willing to give a little more effort in the shot-put. The goal is for my senior year to win both shot-put and discus titles in teh NCAA. I will estimate that 210' will win the discus and 66 feet will with the shot-put when i am a senior. Usually the discus title is right aroudn 200' feet but there is a very strong wave of underclassmen talent such as myself right now...and it is great..im looking forward to the competition!
Beginning tomorrow I am likely to begin writing my thoughts on how politics has perfectly shown how dumb human beings are capable of being. To sumarize, I will give my reflections upon how this nation has treated war, my views on the inconsistent treatment of what to label this war by the conservative sector, pick on the conservative sector, and comment on how people never seem to let themselves be face to face with the issues at hand. This is not a writing that involves propoganda for the liberal ideal. Those who know me knwo that I am not outspoken about american politics...I am a progressive however. Rather, this writing will be through the eyes humanity-with reason and perspective- showing how political people and minds have veered away from being reasonable and closing in on what is absurd. This will be my first ever attempt at voicing my thoughts politically but I have confidence...because I dont plan on losing my perspective. I will post it on here, on Xanga, and submit it to the Daily Cougar which is University of Houston's daily reader.
until then God Bless,
JL
Lately ive been focusing on using more perspective in terms of physics into my throwing an dbecome more intelligent with the concepts of throwing. It is helping a lot. There is also a lot of regard to neurology in any type of athletic event and the thrower who understands and applies these principals the most usually has a depper understanding...some people achieve this naturally...others have to realize it...such as myself. I am pretty good in terms of physical athleticism but my native ability to throw the discus is FAR outdone by other guys throughout the country. My primary sport in high school was basketball which isnt much of an explosive sport...its more a sport that deals with length, positioning, and any jumping is a result of a plant-extend action. Throwing utilizes a more explosive aspect and this is what i lack a lot. Most people have that advatage over me...and a lot of people have an advantage over me in terms of just pure talent...im not a bad athlete but I wasnt born with a native ability to throw well...my advantage however (and one that I am quite sure of)...is my intellect towards the sport. I apply a lot of physics to what im doing and compliment it with knowledge of neurology...its helps me understand the throw thoroughly...I believe it will help in the long run. A lot of my approach is directly related to how I approach practicing trombone. They have a lot in common...most capable minds I talk to agree with me on this...musicians and athletes alike.
I assume I will start throwing the shot-put again within the next month or so after spending all summer just focusing on discus. It is obvious that shot-put is a secondary event to me...discus is far superior and beautiful!!! seriously though. However my coach wants me to compete in shot-put because I can be good in it if i gave it more effort and it would help the team a lot in terms of points for meets. UH has definitly given me great opportunities and the coaching staff is great...putting in time to be competitive for shot-put is no problem at all when I consider how much I have to owe to a wonderful group of people who have helped me. it's the least I can do for UH. My goal for the 2007 indoor season is to hit 60' and get 61-63 feet in the outdoor season. Its definitely within my grasp right now. That distance should be good enough for maybe 5th at the NCAA national meet.
A good majority of people never feel a sense of team pride when it comes to track and field...me being one of them. But I think im now starting to feel an obligaton towards the team and the coaches and to help the team aspect. Ever since our new coach Leroy Burell took over for hall of famer Tom Tellez, he has had an undying and honest mission to become a national championship contender. Coach Burell is an outstanding track mind (Olympic medald and world records on his belt) and his comeptitive attitude for championships leaks over to his coaching. Its great to see him workin as he is always very enthusiastic and a great leader/mentor to the team. This year the team ended up 15th in the nation which is not bad but for anyone in the locker room far from where we want to be. I hope that I can provide a huge impact for this team to realize its goals of bcome a nationally recognized track team. That is why I am more than willing to give a little more effort in the shot-put. The goal is for my senior year to win both shot-put and discus titles in teh NCAA. I will estimate that 210' will win the discus and 66 feet will with the shot-put when i am a senior. Usually the discus title is right aroudn 200' feet but there is a very strong wave of underclassmen talent such as myself right now...and it is great..im looking forward to the competition!
Beginning tomorrow I am likely to begin writing my thoughts on how politics has perfectly shown how dumb human beings are capable of being. To sumarize, I will give my reflections upon how this nation has treated war, my views on the inconsistent treatment of what to label this war by the conservative sector, pick on the conservative sector, and comment on how people never seem to let themselves be face to face with the issues at hand. This is not a writing that involves propoganda for the liberal ideal. Those who know me knwo that I am not outspoken about american politics...I am a progressive however. Rather, this writing will be through the eyes humanity-with reason and perspective- showing how political people and minds have veered away from being reasonable and closing in on what is absurd. This will be my first ever attempt at voicing my thoughts politically but I have confidence...because I dont plan on losing my perspective. I will post it on here, on Xanga, and submit it to the Daily Cougar which is University of Houston's daily reader.
until then God Bless,
JL
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The best reply to anything: "Why?"
Today I saw a very well made informative documentary called "Why We Fight". As you could imagine it is adressing the state of our nation's history in war. Why we fight? A question that has no uniform ansswer across our nation especially pertaining to the most recent war in Iraq. The film takes a rather obvious anti-war bias but the rhetoric in which the film communicates is clear and fair. The film ends with an opinion of a retired defense secretary. She was asked, "Why do we fight?". The answer: "Because no one has stood up and asked that same question in congress".
This update is not an attempt to reflect my views upon our recent war as it is evident that our government hides so much from us and I don't know how it is possible for anyone like me to make any conviction. Rather, I would like to point out a devastating lack of use of the divine right to ask "Why?". None of our elected officials honestly asked "why?" to war. They may have shown some type of disapproval but no honest effort of questioning was sutained by any member of congress...or anything known to the civilian world. When we don't ask why we are failing to a) learn the truth and most importantly b) understand the truth. Our inability to ask "why?" ,however, isnt always a product of or passiveness...rather, it often occurs from our inability to deal with being subject to rediculing, embarassment, inconvenience...etc.
In my fields of music and athletics i often come across people who are not willing to consider aspects of performance in great detail...thus delaying their understanding of ...anything. Maybe their ignorance is truely...bliss. But I cannto live with that...I have to know WHY....to anything. WHY should I do this? WHY shouydl I do that? Not trying to be a pest here...im tryign to UNDERSTAND. It's sad how the world we live is has turned away from gainign true understanding and now aims towards molding to a group ideal as they internally sustain confusion. How can anything be true without proper understanding?
This is something that I feel the christian sector lacks quite a bit...it is improving however. But there are many unanswered questions....what reply do most of us get to them? Usually something that tells us not to question...something that tells us to rely on faith...just to let it not be questioned.
I am a believer in God...I am a child of God...one who is seeking (or awaiting) answeres from God to help me understand him. Again, there is no true undestanding without questioning...without knowing. This is one thing I think christians must adress as they spread the Gospel. There has to be an effort to help peopel UNDERSTAND God...and WHY God... before we can try to help them any more. I see so many people accept Jesus into their hearts and where do they end up in a few years down the line? Peopel have to pursue anything with understanding...
Its late and im kind of getting spacey with my writing as you can very well see...but the message here from me... ask WHY... WHY? So that we can understand... so that we can research...study...find out what justifies what we have been told...only then can you truely love.
-JL
This update is not an attempt to reflect my views upon our recent war as it is evident that our government hides so much from us and I don't know how it is possible for anyone like me to make any conviction. Rather, I would like to point out a devastating lack of use of the divine right to ask "Why?". None of our elected officials honestly asked "why?" to war. They may have shown some type of disapproval but no honest effort of questioning was sutained by any member of congress...or anything known to the civilian world. When we don't ask why we are failing to a) learn the truth and most importantly b) understand the truth. Our inability to ask "why?" ,however, isnt always a product of or passiveness...rather, it often occurs from our inability to deal with being subject to rediculing, embarassment, inconvenience...etc.
In my fields of music and athletics i often come across people who are not willing to consider aspects of performance in great detail...thus delaying their understanding of ...anything. Maybe their ignorance is truely...bliss. But I cannto live with that...I have to know WHY....to anything. WHY should I do this? WHY shouydl I do that? Not trying to be a pest here...im tryign to UNDERSTAND. It's sad how the world we live is has turned away from gainign true understanding and now aims towards molding to a group ideal as they internally sustain confusion. How can anything be true without proper understanding?
This is something that I feel the christian sector lacks quite a bit...it is improving however. But there are many unanswered questions....what reply do most of us get to them? Usually something that tells us not to question...something that tells us to rely on faith...just to let it not be questioned.
I am a believer in God...I am a child of God...one who is seeking (or awaiting) answeres from God to help me understand him. Again, there is no true undestanding without questioning...without knowing. This is one thing I think christians must adress as they spread the Gospel. There has to be an effort to help peopel UNDERSTAND God...and WHY God... before we can try to help them any more. I see so many people accept Jesus into their hearts and where do they end up in a few years down the line? Peopel have to pursue anything with understanding...
Its late and im kind of getting spacey with my writing as you can very well see...but the message here from me... ask WHY... WHY? So that we can understand... so that we can research...study...find out what justifies what we have been told...only then can you truely love.
-JL
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Summerland III
Hello,
As the weeks pass the rest of my summer looks as if it is forming into shape. I will be takign two mini-mester courses...basically a lot of effing class cramm\ed into about 6-7 weeks. My break is ending...which is ok. The courses I will be taking are Italian and American Literasture as I am an English minor. Italian is required for my bachelor of arts degree in music. What degree I get for music really does not matter as long as I am playing well...thats what matters...the set of letters that sit after you name in a business card has no bearing to whats important...how you sound. Plus the BA is letting me take foreign language...I chose Italian and later in life I will take up German. That'll put me into a general knowledge intot eh three main languages of music- French, Italian, and German.
I have been invited to spend time on the ranch of Tom Tellez who is the former UH track and field coach and a member of the UH and USA Track and field Hall of fame. It is quite an honor to be invited by him personally to spend time with him on his ranch and train...and also maybe ride some horses...they better be strong! It'll only be me and him on his ranch...that's intense. He's coached many greats most notably Carl Lewis, 9-time Olympic gold medalist. He's also coached all of UH's top throwers in history and several olympians in the throwing events...hes an all-around stud coach. Hopefulyl I will be able to fit time in between now and the end of summer to go up to his ranch. I am honored nonetheless.
Musically Im doign fine this summer. Im feeling my chops bending back into shape most recently but Im finding some frustruations with my horn. It seems to be backing up on me as I play it. It raises concerns. I may be looking out for a better instrument to play. I am also gonan have to study hard to place out of as many music courses as I can for the fall. I took plnety of these courses at SMU but theyre making me do test to shwo that I still remember...and any real performer wont remeber everything they learned in class...its not important for me to compeltely understands all the modes in early music...its just not important. I learned it once, I dont need to learn it EVER AGAIN.
And a rant...
I recently read an article on Men's Health Magazine that offered advive on hwo to conquer competition. It discussed a method which involves invokign a mental war...thus altering your opponen't ability by mentally attacking them. I read this article in pure DISGUST. When pursuits of this kind occur, it is a true indicator that the love of what you are doing is out of the window. America has become so oriented with dominance it has told us that we should take measures to altar the other party in order for us to feel dominant. Competition should be beautiful, truthful, and well...perfect. That is the true pursuit with love and passion. There is no accomplishment in winning when you've faced someone who was not able to put forth their best. It is truely pathetic to thrive on one's inability to do their best...what does it say about you? I think musicians are particularly good in dealign with competition...though there are idiots who offer exceptions...for the most part musicians pursue comeptitons and auditions with love, pursuit of beauty, and the burden of sharing. Their comeptiton is themself and the obstacles that otehr spresent to them...their competition is not the other people...the competition lies in a divine purpose....the purpose of accomplishment and satisfaction to one's work. ..and in my case, a happiness offered to my creator. It is absolutely pathetic to rely on someone else's bad day in order for you to thrive and salivate at the opportunity to capitalize...its not beautiful.
later,
JL
As the weeks pass the rest of my summer looks as if it is forming into shape. I will be takign two mini-mester courses...basically a lot of effing class cramm\ed into about 6-7 weeks. My break is ending...which is ok. The courses I will be taking are Italian and American Literasture as I am an English minor. Italian is required for my bachelor of arts degree in music. What degree I get for music really does not matter as long as I am playing well...thats what matters...the set of letters that sit after you name in a business card has no bearing to whats important...how you sound. Plus the BA is letting me take foreign language...I chose Italian and later in life I will take up German. That'll put me into a general knowledge intot eh three main languages of music- French, Italian, and German.
I have been invited to spend time on the ranch of Tom Tellez who is the former UH track and field coach and a member of the UH and USA Track and field Hall of fame. It is quite an honor to be invited by him personally to spend time with him on his ranch and train...and also maybe ride some horses...they better be strong! It'll only be me and him on his ranch...that's intense. He's coached many greats most notably Carl Lewis, 9-time Olympic gold medalist. He's also coached all of UH's top throwers in history and several olympians in the throwing events...hes an all-around stud coach. Hopefulyl I will be able to fit time in between now and the end of summer to go up to his ranch. I am honored nonetheless.
Musically Im doign fine this summer. Im feeling my chops bending back into shape most recently but Im finding some frustruations with my horn. It seems to be backing up on me as I play it. It raises concerns. I may be looking out for a better instrument to play. I am also gonan have to study hard to place out of as many music courses as I can for the fall. I took plnety of these courses at SMU but theyre making me do test to shwo that I still remember...and any real performer wont remeber everything they learned in class...its not important for me to compeltely understands all the modes in early music...its just not important. I learned it once, I dont need to learn it EVER AGAIN.
And a rant...
I recently read an article on Men's Health Magazine that offered advive on hwo to conquer competition. It discussed a method which involves invokign a mental war...thus altering your opponen't ability by mentally attacking them. I read this article in pure DISGUST. When pursuits of this kind occur, it is a true indicator that the love of what you are doing is out of the window. America has become so oriented with dominance it has told us that we should take measures to altar the other party in order for us to feel dominant. Competition should be beautiful, truthful, and well...perfect. That is the true pursuit with love and passion. There is no accomplishment in winning when you've faced someone who was not able to put forth their best. It is truely pathetic to thrive on one's inability to do their best...what does it say about you? I think musicians are particularly good in dealign with competition...though there are idiots who offer exceptions...for the most part musicians pursue comeptitons and auditions with love, pursuit of beauty, and the burden of sharing. Their comeptiton is themself and the obstacles that otehr spresent to them...their competition is not the other people...the competition lies in a divine purpose....the purpose of accomplishment and satisfaction to one's work. ..and in my case, a happiness offered to my creator. It is absolutely pathetic to rely on someone else's bad day in order for you to thrive and salivate at the opportunity to capitalize...its not beautiful.
later,
JL
Monday, June 26, 2006
Back from Dallas...renewed sense of assurance.
Came back from Dallas last night after a very difficult drive home that was tiring and boring as all hell. Despite hacing such a struggling trip back home, the overall week I spent in Dallas was wonderful to say the very least.
I originally planned this trip to Dallas to attend a throws training camp at SMU but it turned out to be a beautiful combination of musical and athletic endeavours.
I first arrived and attended camp. It was a three day event that required much energy and mental stamina. The camp went great and it was a pleasure to work with Dave Wollman, head coach of the track team (only a women's track team there after the men were cut in 2004) at SMU. For the past four years, the NCAA champion in the men's discus have been from SMU or people who transferred from SMU after their cut of the men's team...he is a good coach. Well, actually, a GREAT coach. He gave me a lot of encouragement and said I have the potential to be a national champion in the discus...this means a lot...coming from someone who has worked with so many world-class throwers. In the 2004 olympics, he had 8 athletes that have worked with him extensively in the throwing events. 3 of them were top 8 in the discus placing 1st, 2nd, and 8th. He has alot of confidence in me and I am happy to be able to work with him now and in the future...now it's just amtter of utilizing this potential. The camp only had 5 participants so it was great to be in such a focused atmosphere. Being there made me miss SMU a lot and I wish they still had a men's track program...It still doesnt make sense how they (SMU athletics dept) would cut a nationally known track program.
In the afternoon of the first day I went to take alesson with a professor from the University of North Texas who is an expert on the neurlogical funstion of brass playing. She helped me TREMENDOUSLY and I am already hearing and feeling the benefits in my playing. The day after the camp was over I also attended a recital and masterclass of New York Philharmonic principal trumpeter Phil Smith. This man is nothing short of amazing. His playing was truely inspirational and perfectly tasteful. At the same time, he was an extremely humble person who truely loved the fact that he was there and proved so as he offered advice. Truely one of the greatest people in the circle of brass playing.
So the trip overall was great in variosu aspects. It wa svery well worht the money I put forth for the camp and lessons and GAS...truely a trip to Dallas seperate from others. I come back to Houston with a renewed sense of assurance that I can be world-class in both music and athletics and that my best is capable of being THE BEST. I haven tbeen feeling down or infereior...only feelignt hat I have a long ways to go and I cant wait to embark on the journey to becoming the best I can be. it's just one of those things you know is right.
I will be heading back to Dallas July 14th or so to dogsit for a friend. Why would I go back to Dallas to housesit dogs? Well A) I like being in Dallas and B) itll give me quiet time and a place to have focused practice in a house by myself and at a nearby high school for discus.
Later
JL
I originally planned this trip to Dallas to attend a throws training camp at SMU but it turned out to be a beautiful combination of musical and athletic endeavours.
I first arrived and attended camp. It was a three day event that required much energy and mental stamina. The camp went great and it was a pleasure to work with Dave Wollman, head coach of the track team (only a women's track team there after the men were cut in 2004) at SMU. For the past four years, the NCAA champion in the men's discus have been from SMU or people who transferred from SMU after their cut of the men's team...he is a good coach. Well, actually, a GREAT coach. He gave me a lot of encouragement and said I have the potential to be a national champion in the discus...this means a lot...coming from someone who has worked with so many world-class throwers. In the 2004 olympics, he had 8 athletes that have worked with him extensively in the throwing events. 3 of them were top 8 in the discus placing 1st, 2nd, and 8th. He has alot of confidence in me and I am happy to be able to work with him now and in the future...now it's just amtter of utilizing this potential. The camp only had 5 participants so it was great to be in such a focused atmosphere. Being there made me miss SMU a lot and I wish they still had a men's track program...It still doesnt make sense how they (SMU athletics dept) would cut a nationally known track program.
In the afternoon of the first day I went to take alesson with a professor from the University of North Texas who is an expert on the neurlogical funstion of brass playing. She helped me TREMENDOUSLY and I am already hearing and feeling the benefits in my playing. The day after the camp was over I also attended a recital and masterclass of New York Philharmonic principal trumpeter Phil Smith. This man is nothing short of amazing. His playing was truely inspirational and perfectly tasteful. At the same time, he was an extremely humble person who truely loved the fact that he was there and proved so as he offered advice. Truely one of the greatest people in the circle of brass playing.
So the trip overall was great in variosu aspects. It wa svery well worht the money I put forth for the camp and lessons and GAS...truely a trip to Dallas seperate from others. I come back to Houston with a renewed sense of assurance that I can be world-class in both music and athletics and that my best is capable of being THE BEST. I haven tbeen feeling down or infereior...only feelignt hat I have a long ways to go and I cant wait to embark on the journey to becoming the best I can be. it's just one of those things you know is right.
I will be heading back to Dallas July 14th or so to dogsit for a friend. Why would I go back to Dallas to housesit dogs? Well A) I like being in Dallas and B) itll give me quiet time and a place to have focused practice in a house by myself and at a nearby high school for discus.
Later
JL
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Summerland II
Well I'm off to Dallas for a few days to attend a training camp at SMU. It should be a fun trip that is filled with hours of training and hours of practicing. While I am up at Dallas I will stop in for a trombone lesson with Jan Kagarice at the University of North Texas. She is supposedly good with the certain issues I am facing in my playing. Throwing wise and trombone wise, I am excited about this trip. I am especially excited to be training under Coach Wollman who is the track coach at SMU. He is probably one of the highest regarded throws coaches in the nation with a well-known international reputation. If SMU had a men's track team, there is no question that I would have never left. But hey, UH is treatin me good...I just earned a full scholarship...and by EARNED i mean...EARNED. I came in as a no one (kinda still am a non one) and was offered nothing more than a spot on the team (rightfully so, no ones ever seen me throw). With my training and compeititon results, I was rewarded a full
scholarship...really feels liek i earned it...and liek it wasnt jsut handed to me. I got many offers out of highschool to places liek texas, texas a&m, and SFA but ellected SMU because I had a scholarship for music and coudl walk ont he track team...well,t hey cu tthe program...and here I am now...the unknown thrower climbing my way to bit by bit back into the sport...I feel like this scholarship is a very good step. This whole year I really had no intetnion of getting a scholarship..I was jsut happy they let me walk on...and I knew I could eventuially score money from the Music school...but my coach just said "hey, I got you on a scholarship" and it just capped everything off...it makes me feel good to have busted my ass with only the goal of wanting to throw far on my mind and then being rewarded for my passion with money! Wow, i am thankful. Now I just need to make sure I remain healthy...knock on wood.
Im kind of lining up my preparations for the music ensembles auditions in August. It is my total intent to blow the panel away with my best playing-which I know is potentially spectacular...i just know it. I'll have to whip my chops back into shape and shed down the music hardcore. My only intention is to play in orchestra as my schedule only will allow me into one ensemble...and I dont want to do band. I know my potential best will knock the panel dead...just a question if i can bring it to the audition! We will see. i am also anticipating the opening of some mid0major orcehstra positions and am likely to audition for these even if I do not intend to take the job. I feel mentally and in terms of maturity I am capable of preparing well for an audition ...and witht he combination of that and my talent...i feel that confident that I can be competitive...but again, its a matter of whther I will put the time in properly or not...that is yet to be seen! i do inmtend fully to finish out at UH with track and music but if somehow I win ajob withint he next two years that pays over 35 grand a yr or so...i may have ahard time deciding.
Anywho, I am off to Dallas. Until next time,
JL
scholarship...really feels liek i earned it...and liek it wasnt jsut handed to me. I got many offers out of highschool to places liek texas, texas a&m, and SFA but ellected SMU because I had a scholarship for music and coudl walk ont he track team...well,t hey cu tthe program...and here I am now...the unknown thrower climbing my way to bit by bit back into the sport...I feel like this scholarship is a very good step. This whole year I really had no intetnion of getting a scholarship..I was jsut happy they let me walk on...and I knew I could eventuially score money from the Music school...but my coach just said "hey, I got you on a scholarship" and it just capped everything off...it makes me feel good to have busted my ass with only the goal of wanting to throw far on my mind and then being rewarded for my passion with money! Wow, i am thankful. Now I just need to make sure I remain healthy...knock on wood.
Im kind of lining up my preparations for the music ensembles auditions in August. It is my total intent to blow the panel away with my best playing-which I know is potentially spectacular...i just know it. I'll have to whip my chops back into shape and shed down the music hardcore. My only intention is to play in orchestra as my schedule only will allow me into one ensemble...and I dont want to do band. I know my potential best will knock the panel dead...just a question if i can bring it to the audition! We will see. i am also anticipating the opening of some mid0major orcehstra positions and am likely to audition for these even if I do not intend to take the job. I feel mentally and in terms of maturity I am capable of preparing well for an audition ...and witht he combination of that and my talent...i feel that confident that I can be competitive...but again, its a matter of whther I will put the time in properly or not...that is yet to be seen! i do inmtend fully to finish out at UH with track and music but if somehow I win ajob withint he next two years that pays over 35 grand a yr or so...i may have ahard time deciding.
Anywho, I am off to Dallas. Until next time,
JL
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Summerland
hello all
I am writing on a nice summer night in June...I liek these nights...so relxing, aint got shit to do.
I've began my regular summer training after a sort of "lay -lowZ" period. So far it has been sprint drills, sprinting, throwing, cardio via basketball, and lifting. My lifting this whole summer will be ased on high repetitions as I am trying to add a different dimension fo strength. As I am writing right no wmy body is ACHING from the expectionally hard day I put in today. Im just afew hours I will be doing alegs workout and will be destroyed even more. I will be heading out the 21st to SMU for a 3 day training camp.
Tbone has been sucking ass. Mainly becuase Im a total headcase. I know for an absolute FACT my potential is world-class. No doubt...I know it, my teachers know it, my colleagues know it, professional players Ive played for know this...im jsut holding my self back mentally...I have called ateacher in north texas who is good with discussing these things so I will go up there during my SMU training camp to see her and see whats going on. I know for a fasct I have what it takes...i just need to break abrrier mentally...im workin on it. As of now, it is directl affecting the physical aspects of my playign such as embouchere. It's like what one of my teachers told me..."if you told Michael Jordan of every complexity that happens when he dunks a ball, then he would have never dunked the ball again"...thats kind of what im going through. A teacher fromt he past exposed me to all the complexities of playing abrass instrument and broke my playign down physically and my analytical nature took it for the worse...im too analytical of everything...it freezes the nature of playing an instrument. I have to overcome myself. Meanwhile, my enjoyment of music still persists. I am looking forward to the free cocnerts the Houston Symphony offers every year. I have been goign to these evry summer and its kind of become atradtition for me...none of my freidns truly enjoy classical cocnerts so I go by myself...its ok...
Time to sleep, wake-up, and bust my ass tomorrow training wise and bonin wise.
Until next time
JL
I am writing on a nice summer night in June...I liek these nights...so relxing, aint got shit to do.
I've began my regular summer training after a sort of "lay -lowZ" period. So far it has been sprint drills, sprinting, throwing, cardio via basketball, and lifting. My lifting this whole summer will be ased on high repetitions as I am trying to add a different dimension fo strength. As I am writing right no wmy body is ACHING from the expectionally hard day I put in today. Im just afew hours I will be doing alegs workout and will be destroyed even more. I will be heading out the 21st to SMU for a 3 day training camp.
Tbone has been sucking ass. Mainly becuase Im a total headcase. I know for an absolute FACT my potential is world-class. No doubt...I know it, my teachers know it, my colleagues know it, professional players Ive played for know this...im jsut holding my self back mentally...I have called ateacher in north texas who is good with discussing these things so I will go up there during my SMU training camp to see her and see whats going on. I know for a fasct I have what it takes...i just need to break abrrier mentally...im workin on it. As of now, it is directl affecting the physical aspects of my playign such as embouchere. It's like what one of my teachers told me..."if you told Michael Jordan of every complexity that happens when he dunks a ball, then he would have never dunked the ball again"...thats kind of what im going through. A teacher fromt he past exposed me to all the complexities of playing abrass instrument and broke my playign down physically and my analytical nature took it for the worse...im too analytical of everything...it freezes the nature of playing an instrument. I have to overcome myself. Meanwhile, my enjoyment of music still persists. I am looking forward to the free cocnerts the Houston Symphony offers every year. I have been goign to these evry summer and its kind of become atradtition for me...none of my freidns truly enjoy classical cocnerts so I go by myself...its ok...
Time to sleep, wake-up, and bust my ass tomorrow training wise and bonin wise.
Until next time
JL
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Art...what exactly are we doing with it?
I consider art to be any medium in which the human uses to portray an idea, emotion, ...etc. These mediums are typically music, visual art, dance, theater, film, writing...and whatever else you can think of. But the intenion is so...to portray the essence of what is within. Any techniques or ideas to aid that can be beneficial but often it is taken out of functionality and abused without much regard to the core of what IS art.
I'm no expert on termonilogy to any extent but I don't feel that I have to be...afterall, this is art... a native charactertistic of humans that understands of what I feel to be a truely divine communication. I feel my natural ability can make such statement. Too many artists lose control of what is important. Instead of focusing on what the work ULTIMATELY entails from workiing from the inside-out....artists sometimes work from the outside-in. Inside meaning the ultiamte message at hand, and outside meanign what you do to enhance this message. I do believe in the use of affects, lighting, dynamics, emotion, and any other artistic embelshment but when all efforts are focused on technique the grasp onto the PURPOSE is lost...technquie, effects, and the other stuff must naturally eveolve out of a genuine pursuit to portray what is intended. I think an effort to be "dfferent" has taken on an utterly wrong perspective. When you have a work that only your professors and colleague can understand then the purpose of art has been disregarded entirely. It doesnt speak, it doesnt resonate...it only makes you an A in your compositon or film or choreography or art class...
True, not everyone is capable of understanding various art as many levels of depth are present but the effort to expand this circel of udnerstanding MUST be present...or the beauty of art itself begins to diminish.
I blame academia. I blame the school. I blame the professors that are growing in number that promote a false sense of innovation that is mistaken for an arttistic pursuit. Yes, art must progress but not at a rate that is faster than understanding. Things must progress from the inside-out. From love that yields new thought and idea...not the other way around.
I got the idea of this blog after seeing great example of both art that fulfills its purpose and art that fulfills nothing more than to raise eyebrows of maybe a film professor. You can tell...both examples had new features, had new ideas...but one more so than the others actually used them to feed the ultimate message, idea, emotion...and the ones that failed miserably were jsut scattered pieces of idea.
I welcome progression in art, but not when the idea of progression is the sole goal...art is in its truest form when it's innovations are yielded by a genuine purpose.
I'm no expert on termonilogy to any extent but I don't feel that I have to be...afterall, this is art... a native charactertistic of humans that understands of what I feel to be a truely divine communication. I feel my natural ability can make such statement. Too many artists lose control of what is important. Instead of focusing on what the work ULTIMATELY entails from workiing from the inside-out....artists sometimes work from the outside-in. Inside meaning the ultiamte message at hand, and outside meanign what you do to enhance this message. I do believe in the use of affects, lighting, dynamics, emotion, and any other artistic embelshment but when all efforts are focused on technique the grasp onto the PURPOSE is lost...technquie, effects, and the other stuff must naturally eveolve out of a genuine pursuit to portray what is intended. I think an effort to be "dfferent" has taken on an utterly wrong perspective. When you have a work that only your professors and colleague can understand then the purpose of art has been disregarded entirely. It doesnt speak, it doesnt resonate...it only makes you an A in your compositon or film or choreography or art class...
True, not everyone is capable of understanding various art as many levels of depth are present but the effort to expand this circel of udnerstanding MUST be present...or the beauty of art itself begins to diminish.
I blame academia. I blame the school. I blame the professors that are growing in number that promote a false sense of innovation that is mistaken for an arttistic pursuit. Yes, art must progress but not at a rate that is faster than understanding. Things must progress from the inside-out. From love that yields new thought and idea...not the other way around.
I got the idea of this blog after seeing great example of both art that fulfills its purpose and art that fulfills nothing more than to raise eyebrows of maybe a film professor. You can tell...both examples had new features, had new ideas...but one more so than the others actually used them to feed the ultimate message, idea, emotion...and the ones that failed miserably were jsut scattered pieces of idea.
I welcome progression in art, but not when the idea of progression is the sole goal...art is in its truest form when it's innovations are yielded by a genuine purpose.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Summertime...and the living is...the same.
Well summer is in full swing and I'm still busy as hell...but atleast im not busy from doing school work!
Today began with a masterclass that I will be giving for the next three days for the Cypress Woods HS trombone players. I have to admit, there is quite a good group of players that will be at Cy-Woods and I look forward to teaching them throughout the school year. They all seem to have nice attitudes and are all very nice. This is the first time i've done such a thing and Im glad to be apart of it because a) it pays and b) im teaching these kids what I believe are essential aspects of brass playing...a dicipline that I think many young trombonist lack in their early instruction...because of the lack of quality brass teachers for the young sector of brass instruction. I am also revealing them to important aspects of style and beauty...something many people dont obtain from playing in such acaste system known as TEXAS BAND. I am priviledged to have met great players who have influenced me a great deal and for me to pass on this love and art is truely a blessing. This is why I do it.
I have been playing in a really good quintet lately comprised of local pros young and old. It is a great experience for me as I am truely in a sponge-like state absorbing all the things I can from these professional players. The players in the group have played with pretty big name symphonies and studied at good schools. It is a blessing for me to learn from their experience. It also pressures me to play at my highest level possible so that I can be on their level of playing...it is abeautiful challenge and it brings out a part of me that I havent seen in a while...the eager and spontaneous effort to match the higher levels of other players...things tend to get compalcent in music school, ironically.
As far as trainign goes, this past week has been a pretty tame one. I traveled to Dallas for the majoity of the week to visit friends and not much trainign was done their other than a light lift. I havent throwin in about a week and sadly, that is the most time ive taken from throwing in about 6-7 months...I didnt realize how impoirtant it is to rest from throwing every once in a while...by body just feels...better. I will resume throwing tomorrow, however. Ill ease back into lifting and begin a cardio routine. I want to balance my body out and be at 285 come august...hopefully 280 by January. I will go back to Dallas for a breif training and also hit up Kingsville, TX at one point to train for afew days. It should be good...lots of gas, however!
There is also a big conference heading to my church this week and many activites have captivated our congregation. I am head of intrumental music at the church so I have to organize a few perfromances by our members.
It has been a hassle lately, practicing, rehearsing, giving the masterclasses, and keeping up with my church duties...i would liek to say im enjoying i right now...but im not...mainly because of these unexpected church duties...it will be over soon.
Well it is time for bed as I have a masterclass to give tomorrow morning and an opportunity influence young kids...it really is pretty cool if you think about it.
-JL
Today began with a masterclass that I will be giving for the next three days for the Cypress Woods HS trombone players. I have to admit, there is quite a good group of players that will be at Cy-Woods and I look forward to teaching them throughout the school year. They all seem to have nice attitudes and are all very nice. This is the first time i've done such a thing and Im glad to be apart of it because a) it pays and b) im teaching these kids what I believe are essential aspects of brass playing...a dicipline that I think many young trombonist lack in their early instruction...because of the lack of quality brass teachers for the young sector of brass instruction. I am also revealing them to important aspects of style and beauty...something many people dont obtain from playing in such acaste system known as TEXAS BAND. I am priviledged to have met great players who have influenced me a great deal and for me to pass on this love and art is truely a blessing. This is why I do it.
I have been playing in a really good quintet lately comprised of local pros young and old. It is a great experience for me as I am truely in a sponge-like state absorbing all the things I can from these professional players. The players in the group have played with pretty big name symphonies and studied at good schools. It is a blessing for me to learn from their experience. It also pressures me to play at my highest level possible so that I can be on their level of playing...it is abeautiful challenge and it brings out a part of me that I havent seen in a while...the eager and spontaneous effort to match the higher levels of other players...things tend to get compalcent in music school, ironically.
As far as trainign goes, this past week has been a pretty tame one. I traveled to Dallas for the majoity of the week to visit friends and not much trainign was done their other than a light lift. I havent throwin in about a week and sadly, that is the most time ive taken from throwing in about 6-7 months...I didnt realize how impoirtant it is to rest from throwing every once in a while...by body just feels...better. I will resume throwing tomorrow, however. Ill ease back into lifting and begin a cardio routine. I want to balance my body out and be at 285 come august...hopefully 280 by January. I will go back to Dallas for a breif training and also hit up Kingsville, TX at one point to train for afew days. It should be good...lots of gas, however!
There is also a big conference heading to my church this week and many activites have captivated our congregation. I am head of intrumental music at the church so I have to organize a few perfromances by our members.
It has been a hassle lately, practicing, rehearsing, giving the masterclasses, and keeping up with my church duties...i would liek to say im enjoying i right now...but im not...mainly because of these unexpected church duties...it will be over soon.
Well it is time for bed as I have a masterclass to give tomorrow morning and an opportunity influence young kids...it really is pretty cool if you think about it.
-JL
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Vissi d'arte
Passion, sincerity, integrity...such is the intent of Puccini's character in in his famous opera Tosca. "Living for the art" and enveloping yourself in the present to communicate this art.
I commute a long drive everyday to school that is at best a 45 minute drive in the morning. The routine hardly ever falls outside the lines of getting in the car, turning on NPR, and minlessly await as I glide into campus. One day was anything but ordinary however.
There was a story on NPR about the street musician scene in Berlin, Germany. Many street musicians from around the world have fled to the streets and subways of Berlin hopiong to take advantage of their newly formed union for public musicians. However, things have not been easy. In fact, there is a constant underachievement in gross income for many of the musicians. The reporter interviewed one of the men and helped us understand his past. He was a solider of the Russian army who played the accordian and was musically trained through their army to serve as a military musician. After his discharge and many years of struggle he made the trip to Berlin to start a new life. Though he is upset with how things have turned out, he is glad that there is now organization on street entertainment and that it is btter for the long run. When asked how he deals with a stuggling life he answered int he most sincerest of tone, "Don't think bad about your hard life...someone will walk by you, someone will give you small money, and even if you had a mistake in your solo-dont stop playing...because this is your solo...I just sit and play...I just sit and play for God".
I felt compelled to write about this as it is both beautiful and inspiring. We have to remember why we play. Sure we work hard to find employment but why we started...we started with that youthful love...the innocent love to play music. This is what should be held onto.
I can imagine walking by this man, just as I have walked by many intrigueing musicians, and Im sure I would remember vividly the day I saw him playing. It happens in everyday life. The moment when you sit back and say "hey, thats nice"...that in itself is a miracle...that is what Art is...to share. When I witness people or groups that exists solely for the promotion of art to people who would otherwise not understand it, I become overwhelmed at what beauty has occured.
That is what I devote myself to...to truely live for my passion...to truely love it and not to let it die...to maintain this child-like love that is pure and open-minded. That is life...its not for money, its not for respect, its not for legacy...life is to be lived in the moment...and to approach every wink with understanding and beauty...and to recognize it. Am I being cheesy?
-JL
I commute a long drive everyday to school that is at best a 45 minute drive in the morning. The routine hardly ever falls outside the lines of getting in the car, turning on NPR, and minlessly await as I glide into campus. One day was anything but ordinary however.
There was a story on NPR about the street musician scene in Berlin, Germany. Many street musicians from around the world have fled to the streets and subways of Berlin hopiong to take advantage of their newly formed union for public musicians. However, things have not been easy. In fact, there is a constant underachievement in gross income for many of the musicians. The reporter interviewed one of the men and helped us understand his past. He was a solider of the Russian army who played the accordian and was musically trained through their army to serve as a military musician. After his discharge and many years of struggle he made the trip to Berlin to start a new life. Though he is upset with how things have turned out, he is glad that there is now organization on street entertainment and that it is btter for the long run. When asked how he deals with a stuggling life he answered int he most sincerest of tone, "Don't think bad about your hard life...someone will walk by you, someone will give you small money, and even if you had a mistake in your solo-dont stop playing...because this is your solo...I just sit and play...I just sit and play for God".
I felt compelled to write about this as it is both beautiful and inspiring. We have to remember why we play. Sure we work hard to find employment but why we started...we started with that youthful love...the innocent love to play music. This is what should be held onto.
I can imagine walking by this man, just as I have walked by many intrigueing musicians, and Im sure I would remember vividly the day I saw him playing. It happens in everyday life. The moment when you sit back and say "hey, thats nice"...that in itself is a miracle...that is what Art is...to share. When I witness people or groups that exists solely for the promotion of art to people who would otherwise not understand it, I become overwhelmed at what beauty has occured.
That is what I devote myself to...to truely live for my passion...to truely love it and not to let it die...to maintain this child-like love that is pure and open-minded. That is life...its not for money, its not for respect, its not for legacy...life is to be lived in the moment...and to approach every wink with understanding and beauty...and to recognize it. Am I being cheesy?
-JL
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Throwin' and bonin'. Bonin' and throwin'.
Friends and Colleagues,
I have pretty much achieved my goals for the season. I told myself that at my first meet I would hit 185' and I did that...and more; 188-10. Hopefully, with the two or three meets I'll have this summer (mainly for the sake of practice) I can hit 195'. I scratched what was assuredly a 190+ throw in Abilene so I know I have it in me. As far as the shot-put goes...well, I have a longer way to go than I do in discus...so that is evidence of how FAR i have! both are quite lacking. This summer I will devote my technical practice to being slower out of the back and really being more efficient in the technique. All I pretty much do now is spin and whip...which is not good for the long run. I have to turn myself from a raw thrower to a somewhat mature competitor. lots of things have gone funny because of my immaturity...espescially in competition. I am really going to focus on practicing intelligently and keeping an honest perspective on my progression. My goal for this season was 185' in the first meet. My goal for next season is 200' in the first meet.
I have also set a goal for the summer of 2008 for the Olympic Trials. I know, for sure, that I will be there...now whether or not I get to the Olympics...have no clue. But my goal by then is to be in shape to throw 65 meters...which is about 213'. there are a lot of good young throwers in the nation...if I throw 65 meters in the trials and dont make it...i wont be mad...that will have been only my third year of competition! 65 and a half is about what won it at the las trials.
Throwing
My season looks as though it is beginning to wind down. I will throw maybe afew more meets but just that...a few...mainly to have more chances at possibly qualifying for the US Nationals. i will resume throwing and training until maybe late July to take a two week break. My body is beginning to tire and then will be a good time to take a break for my muscles to recover and to also serve as a healthy mental break from training. I want to begin focusing on my overall body fitness to balance my body out and just plain out be more healthy. Having a balanced body wll yield more efficient performance. When it comes around season, I will cut that out and narrow it down to event specific workouts...but that wont be until about late December to get ready for indoor season in January. I will add 2-3 cardio sessions per week, my lifitng will consist of high repetitious workouts to shed fat, and I will work on strengthening my legs especially in the area from my knees and below (shins, calves, and ankles-much damage from previous basketball carreer). By the end of the summer, I want to be a lean 280lbs and have more agile capablities vertically and horizontally. I'm sitting at about a 28 inch veritcal that was a 31 inch in the fall...have gained too much mass.I have pretty much achieved my goals for the season. I told myself that at my first meet I would hit 185' and I did that...and more; 188-10. Hopefully, with the two or three meets I'll have this summer (mainly for the sake of practice) I can hit 195'. I scratched what was assuredly a 190+ throw in Abilene so I know I have it in me. As far as the shot-put goes...well, I have a longer way to go than I do in discus...so that is evidence of how FAR i have! both are quite lacking. This summer I will devote my technical practice to being slower out of the back and really being more efficient in the technique. All I pretty much do now is spin and whip...which is not good for the long run. I have to turn myself from a raw thrower to a somewhat mature competitor. lots of things have gone funny because of my immaturity...espescially in competition. I am really going to focus on practicing intelligently and keeping an honest perspective on my progression. My goal for this season was 185' in the first meet. My goal for next season is 200' in the first meet.
I have also set a goal for the summer of 2008 for the Olympic Trials. I know, for sure, that I will be there...now whether or not I get to the Olympics...have no clue. But my goal by then is to be in shape to throw 65 meters...which is about 213'. there are a lot of good young throwers in the nation...if I throw 65 meters in the trials and dont make it...i wont be mad...that will have been only my third year of competition! 65 and a half is about what won it at the las trials.
Trombone
Playing has been ok. I took three days of for a mental break just because I REALLY needed it. It has payed off. I plan on taking a week on in about a a month or so after my playing obligations pass. I really need the time off.
My goal in my summer practicing is to basically strengthen the fundamentals of playing through working on etudes, exceprts, and solos. That includes tuning, rhythm, and intonation. I feel more now than ever that I can accomplish a very productive summer of practicing. This year has helped me build a strong perspective on how to become a player despite not playing as much as I should have been. I have a solid education to recall upon to aid me...first with my two years at SMU with Kitzman and a new addition to my persepctive built here at UH with Warny. They are great compliments to each other. i feel that I have a lot to offer to the culture of music within the trombone community...i want to be able to share it one day and be an example.
I also hope to learn the solos and concerti written by Grondahl, Dutilieux, Tomasi, Mozart (Rondo Alla Turka), and Massenet. I am planning to play a recital in the fall of epic proportions...some of these pieces will be on it. I basically am doing this (though not required of me) to share with everyone the music I can offer...recitals are a great experience.
My goal for the fall is to come into the school year as solid as possible and to play solid ensemble auditions for the fall (thus shoving into the czarist band directors face that I can play-the guy hates me...i guess band directors just have anack for not liking me) . I know that what I am capable of can be the best at any school or conservatory in this country...there is no doubt about that...within me...and with any of the teachers I have ever had.
I also plan to take orchestral auditions during the next school year.
Bach Trombones are really raising an interst within me...if I find agreat Bach, I might end up selling this Edwards...im sure I can sell it...easily.
Well ther eyou have it...my summer plans...I will be teaching some this summer and helping ou tmy parents at the store..,other than that, im free...
till next time,
JL
My goal in my summer practicing is to basically strengthen the fundamentals of playing through working on etudes, exceprts, and solos. That includes tuning, rhythm, and intonation. I feel more now than ever that I can accomplish a very productive summer of practicing. This year has helped me build a strong perspective on how to become a player despite not playing as much as I should have been. I have a solid education to recall upon to aid me...first with my two years at SMU with Kitzman and a new addition to my persepctive built here at UH with Warny. They are great compliments to each other. i feel that I have a lot to offer to the culture of music within the trombone community...i want to be able to share it one day and be an example.
I also hope to learn the solos and concerti written by Grondahl, Dutilieux, Tomasi, Mozart (Rondo Alla Turka), and Massenet. I am planning to play a recital in the fall of epic proportions...some of these pieces will be on it. I basically am doing this (though not required of me) to share with everyone the music I can offer...recitals are a great experience.
My goal for the fall is to come into the school year as solid as possible and to play solid ensemble auditions for the fall (thus shoving into the czarist band directors face that I can play-the guy hates me...i guess band directors just have anack for not liking me) . I know that what I am capable of can be the best at any school or conservatory in this country...there is no doubt about that...within me...and with any of the teachers I have ever had.
I also plan to take orchestral auditions during the next school year.
Bach Trombones are really raising an interst within me...if I find agreat Bach, I might end up selling this Edwards...im sure I can sell it...easily.
Well ther eyou have it...my summer plans...I will be teaching some this summer and helping ou tmy parents at the store..,other than that, im free...
till next time,
JL
Friday, May 12, 2006
School's End/Abilene Christian University Track Meet
So school has ended and I am friggin glad to have a break for a friggin change. Remember, Jamesy has had non-stop school since august. And training and boning on top of that...glad to feel things slowing down for a damn change whew.
On wednesday night my bud and I from Rice went took the 6 1/2 hr drive up to Abilene for a track meet at ACU. Why? Because Jason Tunks the world's 7th best discus thrower was going to be there...thats WHY MUTHA PLUCKA! He throws for Canada and has placed high in the Olympics. Also an SMU grad.But yeah, it was more for an educational experience rather than trying to rip agood mark...but I did eh...decently 182'. I wouldnt be so upset normally but I scratched (fouled) a throw that couldve been my personal best at around 191'. I just let my bad habbits of not alwasy leaving the back of the ring kill me...thus proving how immature of a throwe I still am. Oh well...i threw it and I know I can do it so thats a start. The experience was truely a blessing for me. I've been keeping up with Jason for the whole year now and to finally meet the man in person was a true pleasure. Quite possibly the nicest thrower I have ever met. We talked a lot after the comp and he was very encouraging...he also commented on how he was glad that me and my Rice buddy loved throwing enough to drive all the way out to see someone throw a plate...its true..thye dude was strait up inspirational. And I honestly think my big throw (even if I scratched) was due to a big effort of support that he showed me the whole meet. Talk about class...this guy was great.
Even if the driving was friggin lame and costs were pretty high with hotels and shiz...the trip was definitely worth it...it was everything that I would hope to be and more...
Im glad.
On wednesday night my bud and I from Rice went took the 6 1/2 hr drive up to Abilene for a track meet at ACU. Why? Because Jason Tunks the world's 7th best discus thrower was going to be there...thats WHY MUTHA PLUCKA! He throws for Canada and has placed high in the Olympics. Also an SMU grad.But yeah, it was more for an educational experience rather than trying to rip agood mark...but I did eh...decently 182'. I wouldnt be so upset normally but I scratched (fouled) a throw that couldve been my personal best at around 191'. I just let my bad habbits of not alwasy leaving the back of the ring kill me...thus proving how immature of a throwe I still am. Oh well...i threw it and I know I can do it so thats a start. The experience was truely a blessing for me. I've been keeping up with Jason for the whole year now and to finally meet the man in person was a true pleasure. Quite possibly the nicest thrower I have ever met. We talked a lot after the comp and he was very encouraging...he also commented on how he was glad that me and my Rice buddy loved throwing enough to drive all the way out to see someone throw a plate...its true..thye dude was strait up inspirational. And I honestly think my big throw (even if I scratched) was due to a big effort of support that he showed me the whole meet. Talk about class...this guy was great.
Even if the driving was friggin lame and costs were pretty high with hotels and shiz...the trip was definitely worth it...it was everything that I would hope to be and more...
Im glad.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Another stab at life
Well, school is winding down and it finally seems like there is time to breath. A good portion of my lessons load with Clements High School and Hamilton Junir High will remain so it's good to know atleast SOME cash will be coming in. I just got an offer to teach at the newest addition to the Cyprees-Fairbanks School District at Cypress Woods High School. This school makes like the 8th high school or so...the district is HUGE. I really dont'...honestly, have no idea how this will work into my schedule next semester (teaching at three schools) but I do want to expose as many young kids to the right path of becoming a better player so I accpeted it...ill pray that it works out.
Ive been spending some time lookign for places to live next year. Dorm life may be making a comeback...
Trombone has been going better...still a bit out of shape but I'm gaining a lot in terms of perspective on how to practice and what to expect as I become older. I will be sending in a tape to the Las Vegas Music Festival this year after the Round Top Festival rejected me when i was named first alternate...and they needed an alternate...ironic. anyways, you live and you learn...shit happens...im looking forward to an intelligent summer practicing and getting better. Hopefully this festival in las Vegas will happen for me.
Track has been going good (as much as I hate to say it). I hate to say it because for someone who hasnt comepted for two years it is great...but for me...a bit frustrating. So far my places at the meets ive been to have been 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 1st, and 4th. My season's best has been 188-10 and my second best has ben 188-1. The observance of my otehr marks is hard to believe as alot of them are somewhat dramtically lower. I have a meet in Abilene on the 11th and the world's 7th best discus thrower will be there...i kinda looked at his website and stalked him...hes in Texas so I want to see him. I have no doubt that it will be an inspirational experience for me. I might have a bud of mine that throws for Rice come up with me. He just hit anew personal record today in discus and shot-put...congrats to him. Also in today's meet one of my trainign partner's hit a personal record in the disc ...congrats to him as well.
I gues i'll end this post with soem reflections I have made after this school year...
-I really love the non-calculative areas of life...science, math-boo...I'm gonan go ahead and say it...I do think I have a lot of depth in my personality and I have a hard time trusting formulas and charts...I more of a literature and art guy...too bad the majority of the world has no understanding for the finer points of existence.
-I have become very disappointed in modern academia. Too much empahsis is put on the acheivement of status (via-degree or certification) rather than the achievement of love, udnerstanding, perspective, depth, and truth. The term "education" now only refers to those who have simply endured college.
-I know that my potential on in music is world-class...absolutely certain...and I know that I may be beginnign to udnerstand hwo to reach that potential.
-I know that I have the desire to be a great discus thrower...I have some physical attributes...but not as much as others...but I know my desire can help me be world-class.
-I don't know when I'll have to decide between discus and trombone...but it isnt any time soon. I have to know that I tried.
-If I don't become a professional trombonist I would really find much fulfillment as a teacher of english and coach. I like english.
-I want to attend graduate school at Indiana University, Rice University, and The University of Georgia. All three of these have quality training as far as discus and music are concerned. Juilliard has no track team...
-I would hate to be a band director...HATE IT...I do admire those who are wanting to do this with their life...and NOT those who are pursuing this for a stable income only...sad.
-It has become harder and harder to assume the best of people...peopel truely are weird.
-it's amazing how much we engage in mindless conversation thus proving how generic life can become:
James: "Hey, Hows it goin?"
Quiznos guy: "Good"
James: "Im doing well"
Did he ask me how I was doing? no! but i said that ...was i engaging in nothing more than a simple generic function of the brain? sad...i blame houston traffic...
-I shouldnt be so shy around girls...some losers have hot girldfriends
aaaaand its 3:30...bed time.
Ive been spending some time lookign for places to live next year. Dorm life may be making a comeback...
Trombone has been going better...still a bit out of shape but I'm gaining a lot in terms of perspective on how to practice and what to expect as I become older. I will be sending in a tape to the Las Vegas Music Festival this year after the Round Top Festival rejected me when i was named first alternate...and they needed an alternate...ironic. anyways, you live and you learn...shit happens...im looking forward to an intelligent summer practicing and getting better. Hopefully this festival in las Vegas will happen for me.
Track has been going good (as much as I hate to say it). I hate to say it because for someone who hasnt comepted for two years it is great...but for me...a bit frustrating. So far my places at the meets ive been to have been 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 1st, and 4th. My season's best has been 188-10 and my second best has ben 188-1. The observance of my otehr marks is hard to believe as alot of them are somewhat dramtically lower. I have a meet in Abilene on the 11th and the world's 7th best discus thrower will be there...i kinda looked at his website and stalked him...hes in Texas so I want to see him. I have no doubt that it will be an inspirational experience for me. I might have a bud of mine that throws for Rice come up with me. He just hit anew personal record today in discus and shot-put...congrats to him. Also in today's meet one of my trainign partner's hit a personal record in the disc ...congrats to him as well.
I gues i'll end this post with soem reflections I have made after this school year...
-I really love the non-calculative areas of life...science, math-boo...I'm gonan go ahead and say it...I do think I have a lot of depth in my personality and I have a hard time trusting formulas and charts...I more of a literature and art guy...too bad the majority of the world has no understanding for the finer points of existence.
-I have become very disappointed in modern academia. Too much empahsis is put on the acheivement of status (via-degree or certification) rather than the achievement of love, udnerstanding, perspective, depth, and truth. The term "education" now only refers to those who have simply endured college.
-I know that my potential on in music is world-class...absolutely certain...and I know that I may be beginnign to udnerstand hwo to reach that potential.
-I know that I have the desire to be a great discus thrower...I have some physical attributes...but not as much as others...but I know my desire can help me be world-class.
-I don't know when I'll have to decide between discus and trombone...but it isnt any time soon. I have to know that I tried.
-If I don't become a professional trombonist I would really find much fulfillment as a teacher of english and coach. I like english.
-I want to attend graduate school at Indiana University, Rice University, and The University of Georgia. All three of these have quality training as far as discus and music are concerned. Juilliard has no track team...
-I would hate to be a band director...HATE IT...I do admire those who are wanting to do this with their life...and NOT those who are pursuing this for a stable income only...sad.
-It has become harder and harder to assume the best of people...peopel truely are weird.
-it's amazing how much we engage in mindless conversation thus proving how generic life can become:
James: "Hey, Hows it goin?"
Quiznos guy: "Good"
James: "Im doing well"
Did he ask me how I was doing? no! but i said that ...was i engaging in nothing more than a simple generic function of the brain? sad...i blame houston traffic...
-I shouldnt be so shy around girls...some losers have hot girldfriends
aaaaand its 3:30...bed time.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Bonin'/Trainin'/whatever -elsin'
Friends and colleagues,
It is a quiet early-morning friday and all is calm as I have no HW due for classes that will start in about 9 hours.
I've been extrremely bogged down and stressed lately between balancing school work, training for throwing, practicing my trombone, rehearsing, and dealing with other shit that UH administers insist that I go through. However, I am reminded every day as I leave campus that there are several homeless people in Houston's fine third ward that would kill just to have.... air conditioning. And for what blessings I do live in everyday, I thank God. It seems as though I will never have a day to breath nor to live a normal college student life...but that is the responsibility called upon me from my God and I am thankful. It's easy to look at this past year as a total hell hole but it's more important to look at how I have benefitted.
Though I am not happy with my trombone playing right now, I am learning valuable lessons when it comes to living this life of a student/athlete/musician and I do see myself conquering this struggle sometime soon. This year I have also met new colleagues, leanred more things about my playing, and have had some solid time in the school's ensembles...my playign sucks right now...but you know what...that's something that comes and goes.
Also, though I could do better as far as track goes, it really does seem silly to be upset with my performance lately. There have been meets when I performed under my ability but to look back and where I started to where I am now really helps me put it in perspective. I came off of a two year lay off from no athletic comeptitiveness besides intramural basketball. I come back to throwing after that huge layoff, start out sucking, and now-though I have miles to go- I have worked myself into a comeptitve college thrower...not only that, i won a meet and threw into UH's all-time top 5 discus throws! Yes, I have been upset with myself in throwing lately, but I will look back in retrospect and be thankful...thankful to be doing what i am doing...My trombone teacher says sometimes we get caught up in how things are going wrong for us and that is when we have to step back and realize, we are quite blessed and fortunate to have these abilities.
School....school has not been fun. And I dont mean classes...i mean dealing with the administrators here, coaches who dont understand, throwing partners who dont understand, people who dont understand, and dealing with all these complexities when it comes to my eligibility and degree. However, on the bright side, Ive leanred so much about myself here academically and emotionally then I did aywehre else. I've had to adjust to change in just about every respect of the word and it had helped me be more adpatable. For this opportunity I will thank my God.
I will also thank him for helping me utitilize the blessing of perspective. I'm glad I live my life with aburden to understand and though the society around me will never come to realize this importance, I will and for that I will thank my God. I also thank in advance for helping me show others the blessings of our humanity and to share with the the word of God. I thank God for the burden he has given me to help people seek truth and understanding in everyday lives even when I am not understood initially. I thank him for where I am. I thank him for helping me stay with my beliefs.
I live a blessed life and I have everything to owe to my God. When we do something as simple as step back and realize our blessings, there is no other choice than to thankt he creator. In my case, I have been blessed with the opportunity to throw, play my trombone, and study. I have a fan here blowing on my back-it is a terrible fan-but it sure beats the gust of trucks driving by on a hot summer day. I've got a shitty computer but it sure beats having to hike a mile to find the nearest library for internet access.
I started this post with the intent of bitching at how shitty life has been...but all I did was step back...and I'm thankful
It is a quiet early-morning friday and all is calm as I have no HW due for classes that will start in about 9 hours.
I've been extrremely bogged down and stressed lately between balancing school work, training for throwing, practicing my trombone, rehearsing, and dealing with other shit that UH administers insist that I go through. However, I am reminded every day as I leave campus that there are several homeless people in Houston's fine third ward that would kill just to have.... air conditioning. And for what blessings I do live in everyday, I thank God. It seems as though I will never have a day to breath nor to live a normal college student life...but that is the responsibility called upon me from my God and I am thankful. It's easy to look at this past year as a total hell hole but it's more important to look at how I have benefitted.
Though I am not happy with my trombone playing right now, I am learning valuable lessons when it comes to living this life of a student/athlete/musician and I do see myself conquering this struggle sometime soon. This year I have also met new colleagues, leanred more things about my playing, and have had some solid time in the school's ensembles...my playign sucks right now...but you know what...that's something that comes and goes.
Also, though I could do better as far as track goes, it really does seem silly to be upset with my performance lately. There have been meets when I performed under my ability but to look back and where I started to where I am now really helps me put it in perspective. I came off of a two year lay off from no athletic comeptitiveness besides intramural basketball. I come back to throwing after that huge layoff, start out sucking, and now-though I have miles to go- I have worked myself into a comeptitve college thrower...not only that, i won a meet and threw into UH's all-time top 5 discus throws! Yes, I have been upset with myself in throwing lately, but I will look back in retrospect and be thankful...thankful to be doing what i am doing...My trombone teacher says sometimes we get caught up in how things are going wrong for us and that is when we have to step back and realize, we are quite blessed and fortunate to have these abilities.
School....school has not been fun. And I dont mean classes...i mean dealing with the administrators here, coaches who dont understand, throwing partners who dont understand, people who dont understand, and dealing with all these complexities when it comes to my eligibility and degree. However, on the bright side, Ive leanred so much about myself here academically and emotionally then I did aywehre else. I've had to adjust to change in just about every respect of the word and it had helped me be more adpatable. For this opportunity I will thank my God.
I will also thank him for helping me utitilize the blessing of perspective. I'm glad I live my life with aburden to understand and though the society around me will never come to realize this importance, I will and for that I will thank my God. I also thank in advance for helping me show others the blessings of our humanity and to share with the the word of God. I thank God for the burden he has given me to help people seek truth and understanding in everyday lives even when I am not understood initially. I thank him for where I am. I thank him for helping me stay with my beliefs.
I live a blessed life and I have everything to owe to my God. When we do something as simple as step back and realize our blessings, there is no other choice than to thankt he creator. In my case, I have been blessed with the opportunity to throw, play my trombone, and study. I have a fan here blowing on my back-it is a terrible fan-but it sure beats the gust of trucks driving by on a hot summer day. I've got a shitty computer but it sure beats having to hike a mile to find the nearest library for internet access.
I started this post with the intent of bitching at how shitty life has been...but all I did was step back...and I'm thankful
Saturday, March 25, 2006
The answers are all there...
I'm no expert at life but I just don't understand when people cease to have some sense of perspective or logic...I don't understand. It's not something you "do" or "do not"...it's how you see things. You know what, maybe I do understand...maybe because people are so scared (of something) that they just don't want to understand the truth...everyone is capable of knowing the truth...i suppose not everyone is willing to face the truth. I hate hearing people who REPATEDLY always say"if I had...", "If i woulda..." like ALL THE TIME...or when people always seem to blame everything but...themselves. Now I don't want to say you should be hard on yourself but you should definitely face the truth with love and respect. I just don't understand...it's not a matter of being bad person or good person...it's a matter of wanting to know the truth and living in the truth. Why do people only live in one perception...and that perception being theirs? In reality, theres plenty of valid ways to understand one situation...why not use these? People get so caught up in non-sense that they fail to realize what something might be...misunderstandings-though completely human, they are usually a result of complete ignorance...sometimes not. Let's start a new saying...you know that one "you are what you eat?" (i would have to agree that's true because I am a big fat piece of whataburger)...let's now say..."you are what you percieve"...thats totally true...when you think everything is against you and everyone hates you or you think that person doesnt like you... 9 times out of 10, anything that person does will have you concerned because you are so caught up in yourself and how it correlates to only YOUR perception ...how do i know this...i used to be like this...then realization set in...
Also on the topic of perspective- I find it to be only humane that we look at things with a burden to make sense of it...too many people just write off things to make excuses for themselves...and thus giving into a fear of not wanting to know...since when has knowing been such a hard thing? Too many times do I speak to someone and wonder if what they just realized is something they pulled out of their ass...not in terms of knowledge...but more in terms of logical perspective...and then what happens when they cant make sense of it?...here comes the downfall of western civilization today... the use of "whatever"...we're all guilty of it... but some more than others...and especially those who use it to blow off something that they cannot figure out-then they furthur sustain into an existence of what they have been told. "Whatever"? That means to me..."i dotn want to know the truth nor realize it"
And yet another thing...these are all related in some aspects but I am also going to rant on people who LIE TO THEMSELVES of a daily basis. ESPECIALLY the species of mammal we call competitors...as a musician and athlete, i horrible cases of this all the time when people get more caught up in bragging rights and superiority over the sincere task of self promotion and support for others with the same cause. Too many times do I see people in comeptitive spheres lie to themself to massage their own insecurities and fear...how does this insecurity and fear settle in? It settles when we lose the essence of what we are doing...when we focus ourself into things that are extra from the task at hand. Athletes are particularly dumb about this...too many times do i hear of people who hope to engage in mind games during competiton. Such a bastardized form of competition instantly displaces the beauty of athletic competition. This is when were losing our love...the love of competing with other athletes on the basis of your sport. "hey, I got into his head and he couldnt focus and I won..." wow, great job,..you have just beaten someone who couldnt put forth their best effort...what an accomplishment on your part...great work. too many people take efforts to the absolute WRONG things in these situations and i dont know how any of it is gratifying...
No way am I a perfect human being...and in no way am i trying to be. The matters of logic, perspective, and sincerity to your cause seem so natively engrained into a human being and it angers me when people reject these potential beauties of life...
The most influential people in my life (mainly musicians) are so true to their cause...these are people who work hard to improve, love competition, and love the field in which they compete with, and a true love for what they do...and most importantly, these are people who seem to understand things...not because of some talent they possess...its because they remain true to themself...and the gratitude in which they possess reaches far beyond any human offering...they seek the answers that were engrained by God when he created us...why dont we use these blessings?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyays, the track season has been good for me thus far...
When I first re-devoted myself to the sport I promised myself that I would hit 185' in my first meet and I hit 188'. I was so happy...I almost cried, seriously... All I could do was thank God for bringing me back to my passion of throwing after two years of thinking I was DONE.
We've had two meets so far
-UTSA relays 1st place- 188'
-TSU relays 2nd place- 177'
Didnt do too hot when it came time to compete at TSU...my warm up throws went very well-probably wouldve won the meet- but I didnt pull it together when it came time to execute...but thats OK...thats what makes competiton beautiful-its all about what you do when it counts
Ill keep you guys posted.
God bless
Also on the topic of perspective- I find it to be only humane that we look at things with a burden to make sense of it...too many people just write off things to make excuses for themselves...and thus giving into a fear of not wanting to know...since when has knowing been such a hard thing? Too many times do I speak to someone and wonder if what they just realized is something they pulled out of their ass...not in terms of knowledge...but more in terms of logical perspective...and then what happens when they cant make sense of it?...here comes the downfall of western civilization today... the use of "whatever"...we're all guilty of it... but some more than others...and especially those who use it to blow off something that they cannot figure out-then they furthur sustain into an existence of what they have been told. "Whatever"? That means to me..."i dotn want to know the truth nor realize it"
And yet another thing...these are all related in some aspects but I am also going to rant on people who LIE TO THEMSELVES of a daily basis. ESPECIALLY the species of mammal we call competitors...as a musician and athlete, i horrible cases of this all the time when people get more caught up in bragging rights and superiority over the sincere task of self promotion and support for others with the same cause. Too many times do I see people in comeptitive spheres lie to themself to massage their own insecurities and fear...how does this insecurity and fear settle in? It settles when we lose the essence of what we are doing...when we focus ourself into things that are extra from the task at hand. Athletes are particularly dumb about this...too many times do i hear of people who hope to engage in mind games during competiton. Such a bastardized form of competition instantly displaces the beauty of athletic competition. This is when were losing our love...the love of competing with other athletes on the basis of your sport. "hey, I got into his head and he couldnt focus and I won..." wow, great job,..you have just beaten someone who couldnt put forth their best effort...what an accomplishment on your part...great work. too many people take efforts to the absolute WRONG things in these situations and i dont know how any of it is gratifying...
No way am I a perfect human being...and in no way am i trying to be. The matters of logic, perspective, and sincerity to your cause seem so natively engrained into a human being and it angers me when people reject these potential beauties of life...
The most influential people in my life (mainly musicians) are so true to their cause...these are people who work hard to improve, love competition, and love the field in which they compete with, and a true love for what they do...and most importantly, these are people who seem to understand things...not because of some talent they possess...its because they remain true to themself...and the gratitude in which they possess reaches far beyond any human offering...they seek the answers that were engrained by God when he created us...why dont we use these blessings?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyays, the track season has been good for me thus far...
When I first re-devoted myself to the sport I promised myself that I would hit 185' in my first meet and I hit 188'. I was so happy...I almost cried, seriously... All I could do was thank God for bringing me back to my passion of throwing after two years of thinking I was DONE.
We've had two meets so far
-UTSA relays 1st place- 188'
-TSU relays 2nd place- 177'
Didnt do too hot when it came time to compete at TSU...my warm up throws went very well-probably wouldve won the meet- but I didnt pull it together when it came time to execute...but thats OK...thats what makes competiton beautiful-its all about what you do when it counts
Ill keep you guys posted.
God bless
Monday, February 27, 2006
Beauty
I just read a piece by an American born writer with Indian descent named Jhumpa Lahiri. The work is called "The Third and Final Continent" and it is an installation into a series of stories compiled and named "Interpretor of Maladies". This story chronicles the journey of an Indian man to three continents as he is securing a place for he and his wife. The road in which Lahiri takes you and how you take the journey with this man is such an emotionally compelling read.
I haven't considered myself a huge fan of writing(mainly because of too much effort to create underlying messages) but Lahiri's writing has struck a profound chord with me. Her writing is rich in description and she posseses and ability to put you right into the world in which she is writing...and there isnt some sort of burden to create asthetic beauty in writing that only college professors and their A achieving students strive for. It's the same as music...too many composers these days write to please themselves and their professors rather than to create emotionally imapcting pieces for human kind. Lahiri provides a style in which all humans can benefit from and create new understanding. That is what writing and the communication arts should ultimately do...impact other people...not just yourself through high achievemtns in making things hard to read.
Here is the ending thoughts of this story as the Indian man is reflectin upon his journey:
Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination.
I have blogged this thought before but ill say it again. Every human has an individual story that is unique and beautiful. American society is so caught up in the mind of work and money that there is less "stopping to smell the roses" I suppose. Did you meet someone new today? Inyour city of say about 1 million people, you met this one person...Susan. Say susan knows someone that you do? How is that not beautiful in it's own respect? When we're working commuting between chores industrializing allt he edges of the world...do we stop to realize the beauty of our existence? How has everything become to "ordinary"? Why is it seldom for people to pause from their own life and appreciate the beauty of others? Questions can go forever on this subject...
But is our existence on this planet that ordinary? The fact that you are reading my words right now is a mircale in itself.
I haven't considered myself a huge fan of writing(mainly because of too much effort to create underlying messages) but Lahiri's writing has struck a profound chord with me. Her writing is rich in description and she posseses and ability to put you right into the world in which she is writing...and there isnt some sort of burden to create asthetic beauty in writing that only college professors and their A achieving students strive for. It's the same as music...too many composers these days write to please themselves and their professors rather than to create emotionally imapcting pieces for human kind. Lahiri provides a style in which all humans can benefit from and create new understanding. That is what writing and the communication arts should ultimately do...impact other people...not just yourself through high achievemtns in making things hard to read.
Here is the ending thoughts of this story as the Indian man is reflectin upon his journey:
Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination.
I have blogged this thought before but ill say it again. Every human has an individual story that is unique and beautiful. American society is so caught up in the mind of work and money that there is less "stopping to smell the roses" I suppose. Did you meet someone new today? Inyour city of say about 1 million people, you met this one person...Susan. Say susan knows someone that you do? How is that not beautiful in it's own respect? When we're working commuting between chores industrializing allt he edges of the world...do we stop to realize the beauty of our existence? How has everything become to "ordinary"? Why is it seldom for people to pause from their own life and appreciate the beauty of others? Questions can go forever on this subject...
But is our existence on this planet that ordinary? The fact that you are reading my words right now is a mircale in itself.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Quit Being Silly
I just got back from a pool hall and have quite possibly seen the worst display of existence human kind is capable of offering.
It's quite fascinating to observe people in any case...but to observe people of this poolhall will leave you dumbfounded.
Now, there is no disrespect in my rambling for the game of pool; it is a rather entertaining game for people of all ages and skill. Rather, my bone to pick deals with the confusion of roles and expectations within the social aspect of these venues...or other late-night weekend houses of mingling.
Let's begin with the guy who comes in and is soooooooooooooo focusing on how people are seeing him so he walks into the room with this almost intetional studder as to signify that he is indeed, "ghetto". I think I almost feel to the gound laughing. He had a sigar in his ear and was wearing shades infoors...he was cool.
Another awesome case shines in the example of the guy who wants to meet girls (nothing wrong with that) and does so by shouting sracastic or dumb comments... what happened to...hello? Must you commit such generic rituals when meeting other people?
It's ironic...social venues serve the purpose of meeting people....not playing roles scripted by mainstream televeision/media on how social life should be.
A pool-hall...is just that. A place to play pool, and throw back a few sugs (for those who chose to drunk). It is not a stage for social theatrics...less people are themselves these days...why? What drives that?Is the concern for apporval that much overpowering than the concern of projecting your true self...
Must you wear certain clothing and speak in a broken dialect of english to be seen as acceptable?
Wow, what terrible sriting I have done.....I guess I jsut have to say...it is absolutely fascinating to see how people behave...why they do it...how pathetic it truely is...do you get what i am saying?
Very rarely do I see a group of people just gathering together and having fun...i usually se a group of people trying to chime in their ticket to acceptanc through a series fo rituals and gestures...
It's quite fascinating to observe people in any case...but to observe people of this poolhall will leave you dumbfounded.
Now, there is no disrespect in my rambling for the game of pool; it is a rather entertaining game for people of all ages and skill. Rather, my bone to pick deals with the confusion of roles and expectations within the social aspect of these venues...or other late-night weekend houses of mingling.
Let's begin with the guy who comes in and is soooooooooooooo focusing on how people are seeing him so he walks into the room with this almost intetional studder as to signify that he is indeed, "ghetto". I think I almost feel to the gound laughing. He had a sigar in his ear and was wearing shades infoors...he was cool.
Another awesome case shines in the example of the guy who wants to meet girls (nothing wrong with that) and does so by shouting sracastic or dumb comments... what happened to...hello? Must you commit such generic rituals when meeting other people?
It's ironic...social venues serve the purpose of meeting people....not playing roles scripted by mainstream televeision/media on how social life should be.
A pool-hall...is just that. A place to play pool, and throw back a few sugs (for those who chose to drunk). It is not a stage for social theatrics...less people are themselves these days...why? What drives that?Is the concern for apporval that much overpowering than the concern of projecting your true self...
Must you wear certain clothing and speak in a broken dialect of english to be seen as acceptable?
Wow, what terrible sriting I have done.....I guess I jsut have to say...it is absolutely fascinating to see how people behave...why they do it...how pathetic it truely is...do you get what i am saying?
Very rarely do I see a group of people just gathering together and having fun...i usually se a group of people trying to chime in their ticket to acceptanc through a series fo rituals and gestures...
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Some random reflection
Hello all
This update will be devoted to reflectiosn that have come upon me in about the the past 2-3 hours.
Let me look back on something that happened at this past New Year's party in Dallas.
Before I left SMU I knew a horn player wery well. He graduated out the same year that I trasnferred. You couldn't walk the halls of the SMU music building without hearing heroic sounds of movie music via french horn played byt his individual. He was just known for it...if you heard Robin Hood whaling downt he hallway...it was him. It was a fact. It was his defining factor. Well, as you would imagine, he is an avid movie buff who has a vast collection of movies in just about every ganre. When he played this music, his sound was at its best...hsi style was immaculate...and his playing had a fine impact. He went on to grad school to study Law...he was a smart dude. Even though he was a good player at SMU he was somewhat shadowed by other players and he was always seen as the good person that wasn't the other good people...if you know what i mean...
At this past year's New Year party, I had the fortune of reuniting with him and catching up. We werent that close but we were real cool with each other...never had any problems with each other. Of course, we were very happy to see each other... At some point, we were looking back at our days at SMU and I jsut blurted out to him with upmost intensity..." you know what man? You always played that movie music...and I love that...that's in your heart...and you played it...and I could see that it was in your heart...people aroudns chool jsut practiced for the sake of making money in the future-all theyd o is practice excerpts and shit...and there you were...playing your song...with only an intent to play what's in your heart"...he looks me strait dead in the eye after a slight pause and a moment of somewhat accomplishment and says, " thanks man, that really means a lot to me". At that moment, I could have cried...i dunno why...but i couldve...but im a stud and I have to maintain stud status...so i didnt. I think (even if he doesnt knwo it or think) that is one of the most beautiful moments I have encountered in my life. I really do think he was speaking truely from his heart ... I just feel that maybe that's what he's always wanted...for someone to understand and appreciate his love...
It is truly beautiful to know when someone plays (or does anythign else for that matter) with no intention other than to answer to their heart...too many people fix their eyes upon a wordly goal...and though that is healthy ...it cant be the ultimate motivation of why we seek to express...to find cases of true expression are quite rare in music school these days and im glad I embraced this case.
-JL
This update will be devoted to reflectiosn that have come upon me in about the the past 2-3 hours.
Let me look back on something that happened at this past New Year's party in Dallas.
Before I left SMU I knew a horn player wery well. He graduated out the same year that I trasnferred. You couldn't walk the halls of the SMU music building without hearing heroic sounds of movie music via french horn played byt his individual. He was just known for it...if you heard Robin Hood whaling downt he hallway...it was him. It was a fact. It was his defining factor. Well, as you would imagine, he is an avid movie buff who has a vast collection of movies in just about every ganre. When he played this music, his sound was at its best...hsi style was immaculate...and his playing had a fine impact. He went on to grad school to study Law...he was a smart dude. Even though he was a good player at SMU he was somewhat shadowed by other players and he was always seen as the good person that wasn't the other good people...if you know what i mean...
At this past year's New Year party, I had the fortune of reuniting with him and catching up. We werent that close but we were real cool with each other...never had any problems with each other. Of course, we were very happy to see each other... At some point, we were looking back at our days at SMU and I jsut blurted out to him with upmost intensity..." you know what man? You always played that movie music...and I love that...that's in your heart...and you played it...and I could see that it was in your heart...people aroudns chool jsut practiced for the sake of making money in the future-all theyd o is practice excerpts and shit...and there you were...playing your song...with only an intent to play what's in your heart"...he looks me strait dead in the eye after a slight pause and a moment of somewhat accomplishment and says, " thanks man, that really means a lot to me". At that moment, I could have cried...i dunno why...but i couldve...but im a stud and I have to maintain stud status...so i didnt. I think (even if he doesnt knwo it or think) that is one of the most beautiful moments I have encountered in my life. I really do think he was speaking truely from his heart ... I just feel that maybe that's what he's always wanted...for someone to understand and appreciate his love...
It is truly beautiful to know when someone plays (or does anythign else for that matter) with no intention other than to answer to their heart...too many people fix their eyes upon a wordly goal...and though that is healthy ...it cant be the ultimate motivation of why we seek to express...to find cases of true expression are quite rare in music school these days and im glad I embraced this case.
-JL
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)