It's always a refreshing experience when one looks back at the steps they have taken be it recent or not so recent. However, in my case, "refreshment" is not showing its face in the familiar form of contentment. The only "refreshment" I have experienced recently is shame...not necessarily shame of myself but shame in circumstance and nature.
Looking back on collegiate life I can remember a young freshman strait out of high school with a sponge of a mind. Everything was fascinating. The beauty of things...the nature of things...the purpose of things. Everything was worthy of debate as well. I do not really think these curiosities ever truly leave anyone at any point in time but they do certainly diminish (or augment) at certain stages of life. It's upsetting to me now to notice how my existence has ridden tides that don't sustain themselves.
For one, I'm definitely writing less... something I hoped years ago would never leave me. Although "blogging" is unfortunately misconstrued as some adolescent venue of ranting I have found the up most fulfillment with it. Looking back at when I was writing often, I do remember how my intellectual pursuits were stronger and frequent. I can't say the same about myself now...such a shame...a tragedy, truly.
As humans we must always, always, always strive for understanding of anything. We must be fascinated, we must be intrigued...by....life...vibrancy...existence. We can do this by thought, by sharing constantly, writing through any vehicle available (blogging for me, I suppose). It's an absolute shame that we stray away from a constant effort to exercise our most divine capabilities...the capability to truly be a human being, the capability of learning, teaching...sharing. That's what it is to be living...its such a shame how we (me!) can be so caught up with things that will deter our focus from truly living!
I feel as if though I have lost a certain fire. I feel as though I have forgotten that there is a world around me outside of what I think I may have figured out. There was a time that my energies were focused upwards... towards that abstract beauty...making sense of as best as humanly possible. Now my energies focus horizontally...to what is infront of me...my ambition...my career paths...is it perfectly normal of me to get caught up within routine...or what I may consider as "life"? Yes, its normal but it isn't right.
I wake up every morning thinking about how to throw farther and how to be a better trombonist. I enter sleep with the same intent and the next day is a carbon copy of the previous day. Yes, I do believe success does result from obsession...but this "success"...what is it? Why should it be idolized? The only thing we should idolize is our roles as human beings...and sadly, this is where I feel I have strayed from.
I do hope to rekindle old sparks that still linger. I'm not too busy nor will I ever be. God, please help me.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
More Life
Well things have been busy, yes. But i'm busy doing what I love doing...which is practicing, training, going to rehearsals, and teaching (both musically and athletically).
Aside from playing in the orchestra at UH I am now in the Jazz Orchestra which I am enjoying for the most part. I haven't played in a jazz ensemble since my freshman year of college at SMU. I did truly miss it and I'm glad director Noe Marmolejo has let me sit in with the band. Some of the fellow jazz musicians in the band are very talented and it is a privilege of mine to observe them.
I have also begun teaching more students at my alma mater Spring Woods High School. This new experience has definitely become a very fulfilling one. In fact, it is so inspiring that I think I'll write a reflection about it later on in the very near future.
Training has been going well up until now. Although I have been officially training in an "off-season" manner since last August I didn't truly begin a season preparing regimen until January. And since January I have gotten stronger, faster, slightly leaner, and become a better thrower. However, I have for the past week been dealing with an injury which could not come at a worse time. I'm not quite sure what the problem is but pain has erupted into my right wrist which is also my throwing wrist. I haven't thrown in a week and tomorrow I will resume my throwing despite any lingering pain. If the pain persists any longer than another few weeks then I am definitely going to the doctor...something I HATE to do. My first meet will be in San Antonio for the UTSA Relays.
Also in the realm of throwing, I have begun thinking about a modest future as a throws coach. I have altogether had 4 athletes under my instruction and have enjoyed every minute of it. I hope to have more athletes come to me! Every throws coach I have ever been with has always portrayed sense of "sharing the love" as their most important priority in coaching and I am starting to realize this as I encounter more coaching opportunities. Teaching or coaching something you are passionate about ultimately turns into a sincere effort to share...and spread love. Anyways, I am beginning a site that is FAAAAAR from done. It only has 3 pages on it now and I hope to have about 7. There are also many mistakes in regards to grammar as I have only sketched out my ideas. I suppose I haven't officially made it public but here is what I have farted out so far. freewebs.com/jameskwonlee
Music has been going well and my lip injury is getting better. The scar tissue that was left behind is naturally beginning to diminish. However, with these types of injuries, a total erasure of scar tissue is very rare so I won't count on it as it isn't necessary for it to be completely gone. Nevertheless, I am happy with my progress. I have an audition for the Atlanta Symphony in less than a week. The only thing that has been sucking lately is that I have been getting a series of fever blisters on my lips that prevent me from playing. As my luck would have it, I currently have a big throbbing fever blister on my lip that has prevented my practice for the past few days...which is never a good thing when a major audition is only days away. All I can do at this point is be optimistic and see this as valuable time off.
I have been doing a lot of listening lately (Hearing some Brahms 4th sym as we speak) and finding more pieces that I have instantly fallen in love with. I'm eternally thankful for the gift of music...truly fantastic. I have come to the conclusion that I want to spend the summer learning Brahm's Intermezzo op 118 no 2 and Chopin's prelude no 13. I am definitely a wannabe pianist and this would be a great project for me.
And before I go I must mention a concern for myself...
A concern that has me wondering if I have lost a certain part of myself?
I remember a time when I wrote endlessly on just about anything that I either saw, experienced, felt, touched...whatever...with no regard to the possibility of being outspoken. And now it seems as if I have lost more than just the inspiration to write...that I may have lost my touch with what is around me. Although I take much enjoyment out of tirelessly pursuing music and athletics I think I have forgotten that no matter how busy I am and how devoted I might be that I must constantly nurture the child-like curiosity that all humans have the opporunity to possess. It's a shame how we often let our reactions to life be glossed over and swept up in a tide as strong as everyday routine. I do hope to write more...and more importantly...I beg God to re-open my eyes.
Aside from playing in the orchestra at UH I am now in the Jazz Orchestra which I am enjoying for the most part. I haven't played in a jazz ensemble since my freshman year of college at SMU. I did truly miss it and I'm glad director Noe Marmolejo has let me sit in with the band. Some of the fellow jazz musicians in the band are very talented and it is a privilege of mine to observe them.
I have also begun teaching more students at my alma mater Spring Woods High School. This new experience has definitely become a very fulfilling one. In fact, it is so inspiring that I think I'll write a reflection about it later on in the very near future.
Training has been going well up until now. Although I have been officially training in an "off-season" manner since last August I didn't truly begin a season preparing regimen until January. And since January I have gotten stronger, faster, slightly leaner, and become a better thrower. However, I have for the past week been dealing with an injury which could not come at a worse time. I'm not quite sure what the problem is but pain has erupted into my right wrist which is also my throwing wrist. I haven't thrown in a week and tomorrow I will resume my throwing despite any lingering pain. If the pain persists any longer than another few weeks then I am definitely going to the doctor...something I HATE to do. My first meet will be in San Antonio for the UTSA Relays.
Also in the realm of throwing, I have begun thinking about a modest future as a throws coach. I have altogether had 4 athletes under my instruction and have enjoyed every minute of it. I hope to have more athletes come to me! Every throws coach I have ever been with has always portrayed sense of "sharing the love" as their most important priority in coaching and I am starting to realize this as I encounter more coaching opportunities. Teaching or coaching something you are passionate about ultimately turns into a sincere effort to share...and spread love. Anyways, I am beginning a site that is FAAAAAR from done. It only has 3 pages on it now and I hope to have about 7. There are also many mistakes in regards to grammar as I have only sketched out my ideas. I suppose I haven't officially made it public but here is what I have farted out so far. freewebs.com/jameskwonlee
Music has been going well and my lip injury is getting better. The scar tissue that was left behind is naturally beginning to diminish. However, with these types of injuries, a total erasure of scar tissue is very rare so I won't count on it as it isn't necessary for it to be completely gone. Nevertheless, I am happy with my progress. I have an audition for the Atlanta Symphony in less than a week. The only thing that has been sucking lately is that I have been getting a series of fever blisters on my lips that prevent me from playing. As my luck would have it, I currently have a big throbbing fever blister on my lip that has prevented my practice for the past few days...which is never a good thing when a major audition is only days away. All I can do at this point is be optimistic and see this as valuable time off.
I have been doing a lot of listening lately (Hearing some Brahms 4th sym as we speak) and finding more pieces that I have instantly fallen in love with. I'm eternally thankful for the gift of music...truly fantastic. I have come to the conclusion that I want to spend the summer learning Brahm's Intermezzo op 118 no 2 and Chopin's prelude no 13. I am definitely a wannabe pianist and this would be a great project for me.
And before I go I must mention a concern for myself...
A concern that has me wondering if I have lost a certain part of myself?
I remember a time when I wrote endlessly on just about anything that I either saw, experienced, felt, touched...whatever...with no regard to the possibility of being outspoken. And now it seems as if I have lost more than just the inspiration to write...that I may have lost my touch with what is around me. Although I take much enjoyment out of tirelessly pursuing music and athletics I think I have forgotten that no matter how busy I am and how devoted I might be that I must constantly nurture the child-like curiosity that all humans have the opporunity to possess. It's a shame how we often let our reactions to life be glossed over and swept up in a tide as strong as everyday routine. I do hope to write more...and more importantly...I beg God to re-open my eyes.
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