As someone who spends a lot of my week teaching young men and women the joys (and horrors) of music, I have come to realize that I may have a significant impact on the development of these young people. When I first started teaching I would have never thought that how I act or what I say outside of instructing musical suggestions would carry any weight or significance in their lives ( I sometimes even went as far to tell the students to put no significance on things I say outside of music!). When I noticed how these kids seem to regurgitate my sayings and mannerisms is when I started believing that anyone (even their trombone teacher) is in an unavoidable situation to shape the general life views of the students they teach. At first this realization scared the living hell out of me and even gave me some inspiration to quit in an effort to protect these poor young souls from my random blurbs. As more time passed, I began the search for the positives of my position as a teacher and pondered the thought of stepping up to the challenge.
I've always been frustrated with the environment I was in as a student (in the formal sense) and in retrospect, some ten years removed from high school, I wish the 29 year old James would've been around for the 18 year old James. I can't confidently speak for anyone else, but in my experience I could sum up the environment in which I was educated as a means of keeping up and absorbing the aspirations of someone else...not your own. Now, this may start to seem like a blog in which I -in a blanket sense- start to send all blame to our education system but it won't be so. Primarily, I want to illuminate how education was to me and how I observed and reacted to it. I feel compelled to write about it because I seem to think (from observing my own students and hearing from them) that maybe a few people other than myself are experiencing the same instances and circumstances I felt and remember.
A very curious student of mine asked me, "James, how did you find your passion?". And oddly enough, it wasn't easy to answer a question that might seem to warrant a reply as simple as..." I just knew".
Growing up, rarely was I encouraged to dream and to imagine. You'd see it on a poster more than you'd hear it from your teacher's mouth. Also, school for me was not a place where teachers and friends were in a mindset to appreciate and understand the abilities and passions of individuals. Rather, since my passions weren't strictly based on playing sports, obsessing over my SAT scores, signing up for every single Advanced Placement class, and joining the student council, I started to feel as if I was funneling into a crowd of "outsiders"...those of us, you know, who aren't quite aware of the "important" priorities. And even in college, where you are to study exactly what it is that you wish and "major" in, still then, there was a a sense of dismissal for those who didn't fall in line. I remember the anxiety I used to feel when I knew I was never going to qualify for the National Honors Society or when my class rank wasn't going to be in the elite top ten percent. Though I was becoming an All-State trombonist and athlete of the same caliber, I got the sense that these were merely "talents of the neato variety". The only thing that mattered to my peers and teachers were things that could be measured across every individual and there was complete disregard for any other aspect that someone may hold on their own and may turn into a real special thing. Sure, ultimately I did "make it out" of that mindset into a life I am very passionate about but it's hard to forget the amazing amount of struggle and ridicule I faced when it became apparent to others that I loved playing the "trombone? really?". I felt like an outcast everyday and the days where I could hide my love for the instrument, I felt more accepted by people.
So after some thought, thus far (and subject to change), my conclusion as to how to go about finding your passion is this : Be curious of yourself and everything around you. Also, be observant and do your best to let everyday blow your mind. Too often, both when I was a student and in my students that I teach now, I see people who are ignoring numerous aspects of being alive. Yeah, it might be hard to find passion in your life when you neglect habits that might lead you to it. For me, most of the time it seemed like I was fighting a battle of working hard to please myself and also dealing with the criticism of pursuing something out of the norm. My advice is to fight always for what is important to you and protect these things.
What else should my students know? Guess what? In the near future no one is going to give a shit about how you stacked up both socially and academically in high school and beware of the grown ups who try to make you think that way. On the other hand, people (and especially yourself) will love the idea that you devoted yourself to the things that you loved and were curious about. Now, this might come across as an endorsement to put less weight on your school work but more so I am just hoping that young people can understand that in the long run what's most important is the pursuit of knowing and loving not only yourself but the gifts you may possess. This isn't taught in a lot of public school situations. Of course, not all situations have the problems in which I am illustrating but more often than never, these cases exist (both my situation growing up and seemingly so for the students I teach). I, and a few of my other classmates, still got into colleges of our top priority despite not fitting perfectly into the mold. In my case, I boasted a solid resume in my extra curricular activities and went into college with a gift that the university could value...and guess what, it wasn't my SAT score. Actually, my SAT scores (taken twice!) out of a 1600 point scale were first a 940 and then a 1000. I knew I wasn't stupid (of course no Einstein either) so that led me to conclude that people can't be summed up by some silly test score.
Finally I want my students to know that learning is a concept that is independent of school, grades, and diplomas. Don't sum up your life and existence with the marks of your report card. Of course, our education system is built around diplomas and certifications (and I can respect that) but too often is the case when people begin and stop their learning process (and measure their self worth) within such a small container. As someone who is a handful of years removed from school I am starting to notice that my ultimate impact on those that I love and the world around me are affected most by me deciding to be a "stronger version of myself" (Elliot Hulse saying...check him out) and knowing what I love, what I value, and as a result working hard to contribute that back into the world in the most positive way. It may seem dark but often I think of myself in the final stages of my life (which could be today, who knows?) and whether or not i could be satisfied with my life. What will be most important to you then in that most honest time?
